2012年2月27日 "Come with me

Lesbian Seagull"

I'm sitting down quietly at work, wondering what I should say about identity as I listen to a song called, "Lesbian Seagull". I'm going to bounce around, so keep up, but don't worry. My hands are stretched out, take 'em if you need 'em.

Sometimes I wonder what it's all about. A few posts ago (here) I talked about identity, women and what not. I usually talk about identity. I usually talk about women. I usually talk with women, but they usually find me disagreeable. Well, that's not totally true. Today someone nervously asked me if I'd join them ice-skating, after I said I can roller-blade. Albeit, it's amateur hour when I do blade... But I digress.

So a guy friend of mine (Grillman) told me that on his birthday a chick he's interested in baked a cake in his apartment with him. No shagging happened - Lesssssbian Seagulll.... - and frankly I don't think he wanted to do it with her at that very moment. The problem lies in that she lists herself as "In a relationship" on Facebook, but it's clear she's interested in him. She says things and she does things, etc. So he asked her if she had a boyfriend, and she said she just got out of a relationship. 

Later that night after she had went home, I got a phone call telling me she changed her status. I think that this is more or less a good sign. Publicly acknowledging the end of her relationship with her former goy-toy is a good start. Side note: they're all goyim!

Yeeesssss!

Just another quick note here: we're men.

I'm a man talking about men and women. Yes, I get touchy and feely, especially when I'm touching and feeling myself... Of course we talk about fucking, women sucking, and other stuff you won't find in Dr. Ruth Westheimer's books. But the bottom line gets down to this, he IS interested in her. He doesn't talk about her as some kind of fuck bag. He doesn't talk about what she does for him. He talks about how he LIKES her. He doesn't talk about what he gets out of it or what he's entitled to or not entitled to receive. In fact, he barely describes her figure outside of saying she is better than plain and not obeast. Of course he would like to get laid. Wouldn't we all? But frankly speaking that's not why he's interested IN her. If he was interested in getting laid, she as an individual wouldn't matter. Whether or not she has a boyfriend wouldn't matter. What he wants is a relationship with her. I can respect that, but time will tell in terms of what she wants as well. 

Maybe he'll change and have a sense of entitlement over her, as far as I'm concerned if they're not married entitlement doesn't mean shit. In a legal sense marriage implies STRONGLY that entitlement exists for both the man and woman. I might discuss this another day.

But what frustrates me is that the girl he's interested in is on the rebound. She just got out of a relationship, and before she retains an identity for herself with herself, as a single woman or girl, she's getting involved with another man. Of course we love the attention of others, but is it because we don't want to pay attention to who we are? Again, I feel bad for my friend since he wants a relationship with her, or at least he does not want to be in the "friend-zone". We might as well call it the "End zone" because any chance to get the fuck-on is permanently fucked off.

To talk about him briefly I would say that he knows who is he, and there is no illusions of that.
With our frequent hour long calls, several times a week, I know this guy. I don't have a sense of knowing of him. He likes to work out his feelings out-loud. And like most men who share a degree of brotherhood, we like to have our shop talk, but most of our conversations are about life decisions and how we feel. We even voluntarily, - gasp! - go so far as to discuss why we feel the way we do. Yes he likes to be challenged. Of course he knows my answers may not work for him, but he asks nonetheless. We have tangible identity when we have to explain who we are on the inside and the out.

I don't know her but I have a feeling my questions might be too much for her.
Too much too fast. Sometimes don't mind jumping in the deep part first...

So it may be a shame if his questions bother her.

But who knows? I know he doesn't want to be an escape, 

and I don't think he should be.

What I don't know is what to tell him other than to be patient and understand himself as these things happen to him. I think in a sense it's worse for the girl, because I believe she's substituting the absence and frustration of her previous relationship by finding a new man to make her or help her feel better instead of being miserable alone and making bad decisions. It's possible what she is doing could be healthy, but it can also hurt men who care. This works both ways.

Come with me

Lesbian Seagull 

Settle down and rest with me
Fly with me lesbian seagull 

To my little nest by the sea
With me that's where you belong with me
I know I can be strong when you're with me 

She skims the water
At the new time to seek
Her fish and she emerges
With one squirming in her beak

I'm sure people disagree with me.
Yet, I have a feeling that those who would are in a relationship, 

or don't spend the time listening to Lesbian Seagull while addressing these issues.

As for me? I won't lie, 

I got out of on relationship and quickly into another, both ended badly. Relationships when they end are always bad unless it's a natural cycle of life, such as death. As I joked with my above mentioned friend about my last dating experience, "It was like a dating a French chick: massive passion for the first few months. A simmering period. And then jilted." There was no embers, no warmth, just a flash in the pan. I almost think it's funny that in 6 months, I felt like my relationship was enough to challenge God. I was an oblivious and obvious moron. Blind love does that kind of thing. It also makes fanatics. Who, no surprise, are people who double their efforts while forgetting about the goal(s and dreams).

We're not on earth for very long. We're not always going get things right. And yes, sometimes we compromise. Hopefully when we do, it actually makes us expand upon who we are and are going to be. So, I suppose when I think about how long we've been on earth as humans compared to the rest of the universe, my love is nanoscopic - beeeyoooond microscopic - compared to the experience of the universe and God. If you don't believe in God think of Chuck Norris.

Because of our life spans, we are entertainingly and lovingly dumb enough to believe we have things that will last forever. I actually want to believe that, and in a sense I do. But only in the sense that evolution will certainly allow us to go further than our limited capacity, and there is no way we're getting close to that if we end up killing ourselves.

Somehow, we have to re-examine our identity.
Somehow, we have to re-examine who we are, not what we do.

What we do says something about who we are, but not doing is also doing.

Saying or doing something about something, is not the same as saying or doing everything about everything.

To conclude relationships for now, I will mention a story.
And while I may have said it before, it's a good story:

"You know, before I got married, Emily used to come by sometimes and help me clean out my apartment. 

Well, I asked her, 'How come you're so eager to help clean up my place when your place is just as bad?' 

She said, 'Because cleaning up your place helps me to forget what a mess I've made of mine, and… when I sweep my floor, all I've done is sweep my floor. But, when I help you clean up your place, I am helping you.'"

I hope that chick my friend is interested in feels the same way "Emily" does in the story I just mentioned.

I know what it feels like to have someone come over and help me. And I don't mean the 100 dollars an hour method either - it doesn't always cost that much anyhow. It feels good to help, but it also hurts when I know all futures are not born without pain.

Tonight will probably be a beer night...

Thoughts?

Come with meeeeee