2012年2月20日 Part 2 "Fighting, killing, wine and those women

gonna put me to my grave
Running, hiding, losing, crying, nothing left to save
But my life [url]" 

Stealin' [url], by Uriah Heep

"'Stealin' is Uriah Heep's biggest hit from the concept album, Sweet Freedom. The second track on the album, it deals with the regrets that come with living a self-obsessed life." - Wikipedia

What do you do when you are seeing someone who is interesting, shares similar hobbies, ideas, and more importantly, challenges you and you challenge them? What do you do when you find out they're in a relationship, but they want your attention in ways that you feel like should be done by their significant other? Grillman was asking me questions like that. Of course he knew I had asked myself those very same questions over the last year with consistent regularity, sometimes questions like that would wake me up. Or maybe it was my knee?

Desire negating identity?
What do you see?

What do you do?
I can really only say what I did, but I feel like if I talk about that specifically any more than I already have I might as well apply a "whining" label to this post. 

What does one do?
When desire could negate identity? 

What does one do?
When desire BECOMES identity?!

In these cases, desire should never become identity. Neither should fear of being alone. Without truly being alone to figure out who we are on our own terms as our own man (i.e. liberated and solely responsible for our well being) it is hard for us to really understand our own identity. So then is identity over goals more important? If a person says, "I want to have children." or "I want a house." These are nice things to want, but when that goal supersedes the identity eventually that person's children doesn't even know who parent is at some-point other than the origin of their life. It's almost literally like a sperm-donor.

Desire over identity? 

Desire as identity? 

Identity over goals? 

Goals as Identity? 

Are goals an identity or the identity, and can one have an identity without goals?

After one accomplishes goals what is the identity?

These are questions I think I would ask myself prior to making a huge leap into a relationship with some woman or chick already in a relationship. So I would probably do nothing and not proceed, standing my ground, and passing through.

My life is a series of processions of just passing through one moment to the next. When I was 19-20, I didn't except to live the life I have had up to this point. Before that age, I had no idea I'd even be alive to 20. When I look at pictures of myself as a 21 year old, 22, and 23 I wonder if I'm looking at the same person. I am not the same person I was then. I'm just more crotchety and disagreeable, and I ask more questions.

How I pick up chicks.
See RJ [url]

If Grillman does have some kind of physical relationship with the girl, does that mean his goal in having company supersedes the identity of the relationship or lack thereof that he has with her? What about the relationship with her highly existent boyfriend? Does he lose his identity of who he is? Or compromise the integrity of such if he decides to do something with her even though he believes it's morally wrong?

There is a right answer, but the right answer only works for me, and the Jewish part says "on a case basis as well." I guess to me it's important that my life isn't self-obsessive. Going from here to there, taking what I want. I have to remind myself that I want to give because I care, and that I should avoid the sense of entitlement of caring because I give.