2012年2月22日 Daily livin'

Two days ago I finally figured out what to do with a large can of "healthy" peaches, as opposed to unhealthy peaches (apparently they can get diseases, such as Colletotrichum gloeosporioides). I'm sure you're wondering where the punchline is at, or if I'm going to say something vulgar about them such as, "I stick them in the nether regions of the neighbor lady and then I eat them for breakfast!" None of that is true, except for that I do have a neighbor lady (of some sort) and that I do eat them for breakfast. The peaches -- not her nether regions. At least not that I'm aware of...

Because I haven't had milk in a long while, I have been using what peaches I have as a kind of filler for the bland shitty "healthy" brand of oatmeal that is only kind left in the cupboard. Personally I like Quaker oats, mainly for their oatmeal. Although I do wonder about a Quaker - being total pacifists and all - would feel if law-enforcement officer or members of the military eats their food... But I digress digest.

Mentioning "oats" is
tantamount to being a GILF

So far the best thing about oatmeal and peaches is that it's filling. The downside is that it makes me feel like an old man. I have lingering memories as little kid, that only old people eat oatmeal. In fact mentioning "oats" in conversation is tantamount to saying, "I'm a health Nazi." or "Sorry dude, I'm not into MILFs. But GILFs..." I think this is why old people like "oat meal", they're old and it's easy to eat. And also because old people are automatically GILFs. Unfortunately, oatmeal also looks like soft dog-shit after being stepped on. Thank God it doesn't smell that way...

Five days a week I wake up super fucking early, i.e. before 4:30am, so oatmeal is probably one of the easiest things to prep in the morning to eat, next to chicken soup, salad, and/or sandwiches. Since I've been away from beer for such a long time in my personal life, I almost feel like I should have a beer for breakfast. None of this lager shit or clear looking beers. Something with a lot of weight to it, carbohydrates and whatnot (see alcohol), so that I can justify having it with a salad and soup or oatmeal. By the time I show up for work or class, I would have already used 3 hours to burn the beer off so I could easily have one without any problems.

Alternatively, I could figure out some kind of interesting vegan salad, but that just seems like more work compared to popping off a bottle cap and drinking.

A good choice for late
December nights w/ films
or marathonin' TV shows

Thankfully Wyder's makes a hard-cider bitch-beer - I don't come up with these terms, - in peach. So I could have 5% peach alcohol with my oatmeal instead of actual peaches. I could always replace the "beer" with peach schnapps... Mmmmm. There are so many choices and the upside is that I can still claim that I have fruits for breakfast. I'm sure I can put a gay reference in there too... But I digress, it's bad enough I brought up GILFs.

It really doesn't matter to me that it's oatmeal I'm eating in the morning. I'm just fascinated that I found a use for my 32 oz can of peaches other than waiting to use it for the zombie apocalypse.

Needless to say, it's nice I'm eating breakfast everyday. There were times where I skipped breakfast for several hours, only to sooth my hunger with a vegan cookie and some back alley hookers and pot, which surprisingly should be the circumstances of any new Folger's coffee commercial. At least I think that would be the best part of wakin' up.