2012年5月31日 Who are you talking to?

Walking home a guy talking to himself was walking towards me. He wore only a white tank-top and shorts. I couldn't even see his face, the street was poorly lit. He looked kind of intimidating. Then I heard, "How's it going?" 

He kept approaching, and I said assertively moving away from him, "Good".

Walking away from me, he said loudly,

"What did I see?

Could I believe?

That what I saw that night was real and not just fantasy!"

WTF is wrong with this guy. I was thinking. What the fuck was that guy talking about? I didn't see any headphones or anything. Could he believe? Who gives a.... COUUUUULD I BELIEEEEEVE! YEAAAAAHHH! 

Then I got goose bumps and realizing what that guy was saying, which was totally awesome. 

I almost turned around and yelled, 

"SIX-SSSIX-SIX THE NUMBER OF THE BEASSSST!!" 

But I didn't, instead I just gimped home.

Which was probably the worse thing I did today, other thank telling someone that aborted fetuses should be used in place of turkeys for homeless people during thanksgiving. 

If you didn't know, a lot of food shelters have massive amounts of donated food to put on a Thanksgiving feast. I guess the problem with aborted fetuses is how one would make stuffing.

And with that said, who the fuck thought of shoving bread crumbs up the asshole of a decapitated bird and calling it food? 

Someone who has a decent palette for food, that's who.

2012年5月5日 Well, that's a wrap

Today concluded nicely. I still forget how fast time can fly. Of course considering the massive bat-mitzvah and its free booze might explain why. How the hell could I yield? Well, a simple, "No." would have worked, but even the rabbi got in on it. Sitting across from me, "I think I drank too much. My head feels kind of funny." he said, as I watched holding my 3rd glass of wine. I think I finished a whole bottle (about 18-20oz-ish 500-600ml) of the red that the caterer brought in. The salmon was good too.

I felt like singing an'a dancin'!

2012年4月3日 Angel Cop

"Shit, what in the name of fuck is going on in there?!"
"Fuck you baby!"

These lines happen to come from one of the most important and, albeit dubiously, dubbed Japanese animations ever.

Somehow my arthritic pain reminded me of this animation, I have no idea why.

At least so far.

2012年3月31日 "It might be a tumor..."

Boiling point?

I have (direct/extended) family members who talk around me. It gets to the point where when their irritation with me is at its boiling point, it already feels like game over. "Game over" in the sense that me saying anything doesn't change shit, because they seem happier demonizing me and ignoring me when they aren't.

Actually, it's more like Mt. Saint Helens blowing up. Mainly because they don't talk to me to directly begin with, a lot of dialog is left in the dark. I'm pretty straightforward and open to conversation. Because of that, I really fucking hate being talked around. I think if I had a headache tumor I would name it the names of my family members.

What it basically comes down to is this, instead of people keeping a up-to-date communication with me, in terms of this or that, other members talk with Member-X about me. Member-X get information about me passes it on, and then the other members gripe at me with bullshit. What pisses off the most, is that how everyone ends up talking around each other to the point where I actually think they lose track of what they're trying to tell me or anyone else. 

For example: "You can live here if you pay half the utilities and do some yard work."

What ends up happening: 

Member-X comes to me and says, "Member-Y wants you to pay Z" (double what I'm already paying).

Me: "That's not what I agreed to."

Member-X: "Well you're going to need to talk to Member-Y."

At this point I'm thinking it's okay to consult Member-X about things regarding this issue or similar ones, since Member-Y is telling Member-X to tell me important information. 

WRONG.

Member-X to me: "Don't do yard work when it's wet or raining." 

(Few days later) Member-Y: "WTF!? Why aren't you doing yard work?"

So what do I do? 

I'm told NOT to do yard work by Member-X when it's raining or wet, and yet Member-X informs Member-Y that I haven't been doing yard work (without telling Member-Y that they told me not to work on those days). Worse, I can't do yard work when I have work, school, shabbat, and knee problems. That kind of narrows my days doesn't it? 

Why is this important?

Because communication is important. Clear and straightforward communication takes away most, if not all, bullshit. Unless we're assessing instances of bad communication, anything other than important, clear, and straightforward communication (in issues similar to that above) is just a waste of time (unless wasting time is the objective).

With that said, I'm actually excited to resolve this tedious bullshit by contacting the head-hancho directly, regarding any problems AND only working with/for that person.

Thoughts?

2012年3月29日 Keep out OR enter

I love it when life or signs in life are self-explanatory, cutting not only the middle man - in half with a fucking, yes sexual intercourse, chainsaw - but also bullshit as well. Today was a no B.S. assessment of work and progress with work, and work. It was nice, kind of like putting feet in warm water because the sun is out long enough to heat the water. This is also how my feet get sunburned often...

2012年3月28日 Fucking internet!

Video heavy

Yeah...
(Steve Obscure, copyright)

Using the internet is awesome, until you realize the porn, or 14, er, 18 year old girl you're trying to cyber with happens to be a 37 year old gay man. But that's the magic of the internet, and that same magic of the internet is entertains me when I'm bored.

Here are a few sites I'd suggest:

YTMND, You're the man now dog!

YouTube, duh.

Fark.com, which rates news articles and so forth as "scary", "funny," "sick," etc.

When all else fails, use YouTube to make yourself feel better, as you make fun of a 19 year old black  guy, who ends up getting caught fucking pitbulls on camera. 

Don't believe me? 

Watch the news report below. I wonder if the guy fucking the dog was thinking, "Georgia['s] on my mind!"

But wait there is more!
Watch a little girl get shot down by a TIE-fighter

Prank calls, I love these things.

Quotes:

"To me, I don't want anybody touching me...

I don't know what's going on....

I heard him screaming...

If he comes back I'm gonna choke this nigga out...

...I'ma serve this bitch up some cold Ramen noodles.

...Jewish Ninjas..."

2012年2月29日 Don't avoid it

My morning started extremely shitty, instead of actually taking the bus, I ended up driving (now that I have another car to use, albeit briefly). The bus wasn't the issue, it was my knee, depression and lack of physical motivation to eat food. I knew I should eat food and hadn't in awhile, but my body wouldn't respond accordingly even though I knew I needed something to eat.

I got to work about an hour early like I normally do. I waited 10 minutes with the car off before I even got out, since I was so cold and tired. I felt miserable because of the rain, or miserable that I can't limp fast enough in the rain to escape it. I bought a bag of nuts, for putting in my mouth, and found a place to eat my lunch for breakfast.

I felt a little better.

Checking something online,

2012年1月26日 Trunk of Ahmed

"It doesn't take long to do the good things. Though I am a bad Muslim. I smoke weed, drink, fuck chicks."

I wondered whether or not he does this to the following or if he saves that kind of music for efukt(.com, NSFW) as he he masturbates without reservations or chokes a bitch while chanting "Allahu akbar":

I think part of me inside died a little bit as I realized I was talking to a dude who believed that Israel was just as bad as communist Chinese. Considering that the (Communist - with a capital "C") Chinese believe in nothing other than synthetic penile enhancement and world domination through atheism, I couldn't understand why the Saud couldn't grasp the difference between those two countries.

It only mattered as much as I wanted it to, and that's why I thought of moral nihilism for the millionth time.

2012年1月24日 Some ideas

are bad ideas.

2012年1月21日 Creepy dreams

I had a creepy dream where I was injured and had to call 911.

Somehow it all took place in some shady house like in Pulp Fiction, yet I haven't seen that film or been in shady places for at least 2 weeks.

I have no idea why this shit happens, but I guess I should to the radio less when I go to sleep.

I'm grateful it wasn't drug induced.

2012年1月19日 Fun things

Fun thing 1

Precursor to the Mossad

Today I was invited over for this upcoming Passover, which solves my plans for that. I was initially depressed, because I couldn't figure out if I was going to be able to participate or not, since the shul I go to was going to charge people to enter the feast. But alas, I was invited, and now I'm a happy camper, still without a tent, but still happy.

Cookies will kill you

Fun thing 2

It should be no surprise that ninjas are awesome and will get you laid, assuming you're a ninja. If not, you may be seconds away from death. Now you can make yourself some Ninja action cookies. Everyone loves Ninjas, even Jews. In fact the reason the Mossad is called that is because "Ninjas" was already taken.

http://www.wanelo.com/home-and-office/NINJABREAD+MEN+COOKIE+CUTTERS-46568.html

Things that suck

I have to wake up at 4am tomorrow and it's 10pm now.

I need to do laundry at some point.

2012年1月15日 Little bit of Jew stuff, little bit of "other stuff"

Sometimes I wonder if there is a difference between my vulgar human. At shul someone asked if I was alright being there since I wasn't a Jew, I said, "No. Why?" The guy responded with a joke about how Jews are people suffering or actively holding neurosis. It also reminded me why I like going to that shul.

It reminds me of a joke I read about self-hating humor,

Question: How can you always spot a convert to Judaism?
Answer: That's easy. He's the only normal one in the congregation

However, when I leave shul, and The Filter comes off, I end up emulating, although not very well, one of my favorite Jewish comics,  Gilbert Gottfried.

So there I was today in the car talking to Fozzjnen about, God, politics, religion, reward, and punishment. Somehow I started talking about children. I said,

"So Fozz, if you have a kid, and he walks into the kitchen, looks you in the eye, whips out his donker and starts pissing all over the place you are doing to do anything?"

Fozzjnen's face opened with an awkward half-smile half-confusion.

"Uhh, yeah I said, 'donker.' I was going to say 'dong' but I thought that'd be disrespectful to Chinese men, since a little boy probably has a dong the size of a full grown China man.

No. I don't think my argument losses legitimacy since I can't prove it."

Humor makes a lot of things easier.

2012年1月12日 Colder

It's getting colder outside and quickly, it's killing my knee faster than the government is with our civil liberties. I honestly can't see a difference between the two at times, since the quality of life goes down either way.

2012年1月6日 Loitering mind

Sometimes I wonder why my mind loiters.

I wonder why it doesn't get anything of merit accomplished and I wonder why I'm catching myself thinking of these things. Somehow it reminded me of a character drill from early days in the Cub Scouts. 

Clearly my job here is finished!

In this character drill we were issued, without our knowledge, what people thought about us on a card. While the den mother (or troop leader) of our group gave her son the sheriff ranking (i.e. has leadership skills), which was one I was envious for, I ended up with Medicine Man (community man or something).

At first I was miserable since I had no idea what it meant, of course I was only 7 years old at the time. Later in life, I realize that within the community I sometimes am apart in my own world. However I am still part of and I have a role in a community was well, be it religious, spiritual, or as an entertainer. But I know with such a task, after my work is done I will retire to my own special shaman's tent and the mundane tasks will be left to everyone else.

I think I'm right in regards to myself, I know I don't have expert skills in interacting with people on a mundane level (i.e. earthly), but I do have other skills that sets me apart. For one I have never been good at communicating with people regarding small or trivial talk, but I've been good at other tasks which are more complicated and yet seem more natural to me.

Solution? Find a community that allows me to use these skills.

2012年1月5日 Pain again

What I normally do when pain isn't an issue.

My knee has brought back pain and emotional misery. I'm trying to avoid feeling miserable, but it's annoying when I cannot focus on anything other than the pain. I've heard the suggestions, or bullshit, about working through pain by trying to think the pain away. So far it doesn't work for me.

But if it's true and it works, then I suppose people in the process if being disemboweled could think their pain away. Or rather, would parents who spank their children say the following before applying force? "Don't worry, you can think the pain away!" 

Outside of that, I heard from someone earlier today that I might have a "Jewish soul". 

That's probably the highlight of my year so far.

2011年12月27日 Random chat?

So I'm checkin' my email and I get this invite from some stranger to chat, which is rare with gmail.

Whoever ads you to chat on gmail chat, must obviously know you, one way or another, right?

Well I guess not, so I clicked "Yes" for okay to chat.

And this is what happened:

8:24 PM 

ladylillie3: heya!

me: Hi

ladylillie3: hey whats up? 22/F here. you?

me: Can you ID yourself 

8:25 PM 

Fucking bots

ladylillie3: hmm. have we chatted before?

me: I need more details.

ladylillie3: oh ok. i wasnt sure. anyways.. whats up?

me: I repeat, can you ID yourself?

ladylillie3: im like so boreddd.... there is nothing to do 

8:26 PM 

ohhh wait! i got a great idea. have you ever watched a sexy girl like me strip live on a cam before?

me: You're a bot.

ladylillie3: A bot? not hardly babe. Are you?

me: Yes.

At that point I clicked "block". 

Either she's not a bot, or extremely desperate for money.

On the upside, Efukt put up "The Trolling Of Wannabe Pornstars II" video. Usually it's depressing. Sometimes it's funny, but in the sense that when you wonder why full blown alien contact in our society hasn't been made with humans yet, you remember watching that video and you go, "Oh yeah..."

2011年12月26日 Eddie Murphy

If you don't know Eddie Murphy, know that he has one of the most messed up, yet entertainning, laugh in Hollywood. At present he makes family oriented films, and nothing too disgusting, but what isn't talking about is when he first started he would brag about saying things like "fuck" almost religiously on stage. This was waaay before comedians today who say, "Nigger this, nigger that." And everyone laughs. 

Personally, I like Eddie Murphy because he never seemed like other comedians who always brought the "white man is keeping us down" attitude. Anyway, from his adventures with scary looking toes, to a parody of Mister Roger's Neighborhood, Eddie Murphy will live on so long as people know how to use his humor to terrorize people.

The laugh:

Scary toes:

Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood:

Terrorizing people in chat rooms with Eddie Murphy singing:

The internet is so awesome!

2011年12月24日 Enjoyably Quiet

Outside of shul, the rest of the day was spent alone.

And maybe beer, maybe porn, and maybe Tron: Legacy OST.

2011年12月20日 They kill people

I've heard that violent video games and music lyrics encourage the mind to kill people. If that's true then WWE encourages kids to hit their future spouses with folding chairs and end up on Cops in the year 2024.

With that said, I don't believe any of that shit until I saw this:

Click to enlarge! :D

I rest my case.

2011年12月19日 Religion

I heard a joke the other day:

A priest calls a rabbi and tells him, "Hey Rabbi I need to know if you can come down to the church today, I need help. Can you get right over?"

"Sure." the rabbi says, since he's known the priest for awhile.

Rabbi arrives at the church and the priest tells him, "Listen, I'm late for meeting, but I've still got about an hour or so worth left of confession today, could you cover me? Look, it's not hard."

Basically what happens
in real life anyhow.

So the priest and the rabbi sit in the confession both.

A man comes in "Father, I've sinned."

"What is your sin, my son?" The priest says.

"I've committed adultery."

"How many times?"

"Three times."

"Say 5 hail Mary five times and donate 10 dollars to charity."

The man leaves.

A woman comes into the confession booth.

"Father, I've sinned."

"When was your last confession?"

"3 months ago."

"What is your sin?"

"I've committed adultery."

"How many times?"

"Three times."

"Say 5 hail Mary five times and donate 10 dollars to charity."

The woman leaves.

The priest looks over to the rabbi and says, "Do you get it? It's not that hard."

The rabbi looks back at the priest and says, "Don't worry, I think I got the hang of this."

The priest leaves.

The rabbi alone in the confessional booth, he sees a woman come in.

"Father forgive me for I have sinned."

"When was your last confession?" The rabbi asks.

"6 months ago."

"What is your sin?"

"I committed adultery."

"How many times?"

"Two times."

"What? Only two times?

We've got a special today! Three for 10 dollars, come back after your third offense!"