2012年5月23日 Starvation

While I'm not going to discuss how starvation feels when it's happened in my life, I will discuss Krimull's. 

"Ever been so hungry you could eat the asshole out of an elephant? 

All I've had in the past 24 hours is a butter finger, a shitty brownie, and a breakfast burrito that tasted so bad, I had to finger my ass and lick my finger to get the taste out of my mouth." - Krimull [emphasis mine]

Asshole of an elephant.
Fingering assholes, and licking it.

Wow.

2012年5月16日 Busy

Sometimes I wonder if we're so busy that we don't ever really get a chance to carve out a time to have a deeper understanding of ourselves. Yes, there are times where I feel like I'm "wasting" my time. But whenever I share time with another, watching a favorite T.V. program, or movie, lounging in the sun I don't. This really only applies when I'm with another. 

I suppose because life is short, and we're often so busy with sleep our own lives and goals with work, we really never get to know other people in higher ways. In fact, if we sleep and work for about 16 hours a day, commute for about an hour and a half, shower and eat another hour or so. We really about 5-6 hours of time to know another person. Add personal time like going to the gym, miscellaneous hobbies and so own, and time becomes even less. Hell, our bosses and co-workers have more opportunities to know us than our friends.

There is a way to remedy this, which is to find similar minded people and talk, talk, talk, sharing yourself with them as they do the same. And never wanting to stop talking helps too. When Krimull and I lived together, we'd I'd talk talk talk yak endlessly until one of us fell asleep. Usually it was him first.

2012年3月30日 Women and sleep

Watch the fuck out!

The other day Krimull sent me a message about his wife playing some kind of joke on him while he's asleep or slowly waking up. 

First, I should say that KRIMULL IS NOT A MORNING PERSON.  I know this pretty well, when we were younger I'd try to open blinds and take his blanket. That guy was worse than a 14 year old girl on her period. How he reacted more than that, or how it's possible I have no idea. To this day the only conclusion I have is that he was roiding out.

Second, being married is like saying, "Today put my nuts in the blender." Okay not all (92.23 ± 5 %) marriages are like that.  If his marriage was puppy dogs and rainbows he wouldn't have told me what he told me! In all seriousness, I'm sure things are fine. Most shit like this happens when people are bored, kind of like the time he used a bullhorn to wake me up... That mother fuc Kids will be kids.

On a side note, he has 5 dogs, so there must be a serious fucking shortage of rainbows.

Anyway, here's what he said,  

"She's pissed off at me because she woke me up with to she me a bike light and shined it in my eye right as I woke up. And ignored her when I woke up and went to work."

So tonight when he goes home, I hope he's bringing home chocolate or ice-cream. Because unless it's resolved, I have a feeling that next time his wife will go all Kathy Bates in Misery on him.

Kathy Bates in Misery

"God, I love you."

2011年6月16日 Is it fiction yet?

The pre-pounding sensation in my head was probably due to the street lights and oncoming traffic, though it didn't matter since I couldn't help but wonder about other things.

"It's beautiful isn't it?"

I heard as we waited to cross the street. Looking up I could tell it really was, even more so since someone else felt the same way about it. A full moon to me generally was beautiful, and tonight also was such a night. Unfortunately I was alone in the car when I thought about those words from some time back. I wanted to forget them and forget about the moon, but I couldn't. I knew that my attempts at escape and evasion from moon's line of sight would be next to impossible. It did not stop me from trying nonetheless.

The roads were as quiet as they could be during such a late hour. I had just dropped off Krimull, or "K", before the devil's hour commenced. I drove to contemplate about things, but it didn't matter since the general complexity escaped me as I desperately tried to hide the moon from my view, mirrors or otherwise. And for a brief moment I got my wish.

While I didn't think the west hills would provide adequate refuge, I did notice something that neither caused fear or discomfort. It was the horizon, a deep blue contrasted by the dark silhouettes of spires and monolithic looking objects. I slowed down the car and turned off the headlights, which may have been a bad idea since there were no street-lights whatsoever on road. On the other side of the car I was surrounded by tall trees, homes, and hills.  On the side of the horizon several crosses, a few statues, and many familiar looking tombstones littered the hill next to my car. 

There was nothing else I could do except gawk in amazement and casual surprise at the beautiful circumstances of my situation. It depressed me that while I hid myself from the moon and the memories it constantly gave me, that my only alternative was to relish in the disturbing allure of silhouetted markers of death over an approaching sunrise.

I left without incident, and yet I returned myself to the moon as it continued to lord over me. Parking I realized I had solved nothing, and there was nothing else to do except to retire with the monsters I had picked up on the way home. Entering the first door I did feel a slight degree of success. Although I changed nothing I was still able to avoid the approaching sunrise.

2011年6月12日 Driving at night

After I dropped "K" off I took a drive. Of course K asked about you, actually it was more of me explaining about you to him, since I had not seen him in such a long time. For K it was probably difficult at times for him to hear about you. Compounded by his long flight up and down to reach my location. We sat and caught up as much as we could for 2 hours, which isn't enough by any means since you were brought up.

When K stepped out of the car, I couldn't stop but reminisce about you further, and although some of those feelings were painful in terms of looking back, I kept driving. It almost seemed appropriate for me to drive at night, if I were to be driving at all. Since I doubt children are wandering around industrial areas at 3:30am in the morning, it makes sense to drive at odd hours. The radio, or CD player rather, played a song that made things not only worse, but almost took my mind and spirit out of the car. If I didn't have shoulders to weigh them down, maybe they would have left my body and I would have crashed. Then would I have woken up?

From an Ebony magazine
 I had, 1960s if I recall correctly.

Driving my regular night-therapy route, I could not help but continue thinking about you regardless of what I did. Nothing whatsoever helped, outside of blowing my brains out at the few intersections I had to stop at, although I usually get green lights almost immediately.

I pulled in around 4am, or so to get away from the day-dreams. In the hills I could see the glowing red pillars. If anything it just reminded me of the ethereal nature of your behaviorisms, which only confused me further. I sat back in the seat and took in the music as I drove me, spacing out most of the way as the music blanketed my mind.

Parking I couldn't help but wonder if coffee was a good idea this late at night or if I deserved the pig-vomit'ish taste it created in my mouth. Remaining well after I finished more than half. Maybe when I think of you, it's as if I'm "reaching for a taste that's not really there." 

Even if I walked a mile - not for a camel - I'd find something, but it probably wouldn't be you.