2012年1月1日 Shower thoughts 003: "Don't fuck with me now. I am Ahab! ALRIGHT YOU WEIRD FUCKER, BACK IN THE TUB!"

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (6/10) Movie CLIP - White Rabbit

I think I woke up in the shower. 

No. It was the bathtub. 

It didn't even occur to me that I missed a business meeting until I walked over to the computer, but that was about an hour after I got out of the tub. But by then, American companies' commercialization of Christmas was still dominant even though it was technically the new year. I ignored the cable TV and went back to my shower thoughts.

Somehow I feel like this is a
realistic representation.

It wasn't the first time I had friends follow me into the bathroom or interrupt my bathtub/shower experience, yet this time I wasn't going to debate whether the imagination of friends or the physical presence of them was an issue. 

Was the can of Four Loko? No, it wasn't "the can". However, cans could be up for debate. And for $4.18 to get buzzed on a Malt Liquor-Kool-Aid variant I didn't mind too much. 

Buzzing out, my mind yelped at me, "Sh'ma Israel, Adonai Elo'heinu, Adonai Ehad." I continued without the V'ahavta. For some reason I thought of Rinzler's theme via Tron: Legacy OST. Somehow it ended up translating to The Game Has Changed.

When was the last? When was the last time you reflected on everything? Without sex? Without the physical? Without the senses? When was the last time you used your humanity to dictate what morality means? I thought about how words like "Good" and "Bad" to a dog are no different than "obedient" and "disobedient". I knew already that humans had the capacity, although not naturally, to identify the "good" through an intellectual and/or soul-full assessment that transcended the limitations of biology. Was it the beer talking again or was it whatever was left over from shul yesterday?

Then I got out of the tub, dried myself. Walked to the kitchen, got a coffee cup, putting whatever was left of my nasty-pig-smegma-tasting - only speculation - malt-liquor into a coffee cup, and ventured towards the computer. I ended up spacing out and jamming to trance, jazz, heavy metal or whatever the random playlist would produce.

It had been awhile, that was for sure. 

I know I had experienced what I thought was a lot over the past 4 years, but was it really enough? Of course like most things in life, while I had I short answer, which is neither correct nor incorrect, still I knew an answer to that.

As the music progressed I remembered whatever courage it took to deal with me, be it myself or another. To come full circle. Or as close as one could get, given set parameters.

I would say it didn't matter, but realistically it only mattered as much as one, or others, would dictate how it mattered. By this point I think my hair had already dried.

2011年10月21日 Shower thoughts 002

This morning I woke up in my dream and took a shower. When I woke up, I was in the shower only to realize I wasn't dreaming at all. I felt like I was bathing in the Sun's tears with the amount of heat on my body. It felt great, but when I reflected on the previous day I felt miserable.

I stood in the rain briefly. And in that rain I waited to collect my thoughts, but most of these left me as a fog of slightly-angrily forgotten expressions came to me. I had forgot about what I said! With such shame, I sat down and tried to pick up broken pieces of whatever myself that I had dropped. I had no reason to feel angry briefly, even for just 20 seconds. I felt like I was losing myself this way, and losing myself from others.

Sitting down in the shower I reflected more on that. I thought about how I prayed, and prayed and prayed. I never thought for a moment that I needed to pray for myself even briefly, just for a moment of clarity. I asked God to help me, so that when I stretch out my hand, claws as words or feelings do not cut those I am trying to help or those trying to help me. 

I continued sitting in the shower miserably, until the water reached its zenith with heat. As I put on trousers, I continued to chew on these words and their ideas. I knew misery wasn't always necessary, and it wasn't always necessary to believe I had to deal with it on my own. So I smiled began humming the Major-General Song in my head. I could be okay, and I could be okay with being okay. I thought about rebirth, spiritually, and emotionally. And for a moment, I sat quietly in the car, within its own darkness, thinking about freedom. Then Alan Shepard's prayer, albeit a partial-misquote came into my mind, 

"Dear God, please don't let me fuck up."

That's when I turned the key to the ignition of my being.

2011年8月19日 Shower thoughts 001

I was in the shower this morning wondering about Jesus and why the Jews don't accept him as the messiah. If you're a non-believer, atheist, Odin, Thor, Chuck Norris, or  Jew I can understand.

Stereotypes ahead.

Here's why:

1.  It does not make sense to Jews that Jesus was a carpenter. Now if Jesus was say, an investment banker, fuck yes the Jews would be all over him as the Son of G-d.
   
2. "Yo Jesus, your ride sucks man." Seriously, on a donkey? I bet if Jesus had a bitchin' Camaro the Jews would have been like, "Holy Christmas Jew, this is awesome!"
   

   

   Accurate representation of
   high-class vehicles in antiquity.

   
   
3. Same problem as no. 1, Jesus can walk on water, but nothing about matzah or challah receipes?!
   
   
4. If Jesus can turn water into wine, why can't he turn dirt into money?
   
   
5. A poor blind man is healed by Jesus. How the hell does that help the dude? He's still poor!
   
   
6. Jesus is said to have have the ability to break a few loaves of bread and fish into multiple pieces, so much so that there was a surplus of food for over 3,999 people. This explains the concept of welfare in America. Thanks Jesus.
   
   
7. Jews associate the behavior of Jesus to Ron Paul, Jesus did not like bankers/money-lenders in the Holy Temple. Ron Paul does not like the Federal Reserve's grip on America. Things didn't end well for Jesus. Who is Ron Paul again?
   
   
8. How come Jesus didn't have any Jew-gold?
   

   

   Seriously.

   
   
9. Jews probably would have believed in Jesus if he died on a  giant dreidel.
   
   
10. How come when Jesus was being accused of crimes, he did not hire a Jewish lawyer?
    
    
11. Jesus was bad for the economy because he could use Jew-magic to produce gold in the mouths of fish (Matthew 17:24-27).
    
    
12. (Continued thought from above) Did I forget to mention Jesus' friends were fishermen? Is this like the Jew version of Casino or something? No wonder Jews don't believe in him, he takes gold from the mouth of fish, when he could use using it for investment banking. Since Christians claim he is the beginning and the end, why didn't he magically buy a Camaro?

That about sums it up for now.
As for a bitchin' Camaro, it goes something like this.