Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (6/10) Movie CLIP - White Rabbit
I think I woke up in the shower.
No. It was the bathtub.
It didn't even occur to me that I missed a business meeting until I walked over to the computer, but that was about an hour after I got out of the tub. But by then, American companies' commercialization of Christmas was still dominant even though it was technically the new year. I ignored the cable TV and went back to my shower thoughts.
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| Somehow I feel like this is a realistic representation. |
It wasn't the first time I had friends follow me into the bathroom or interrupt my bathtub/shower experience, yet this time I wasn't going to debate whether the imagination of friends or the physical presence of them was an issue.
Was the can of Four Loko? No, it wasn't "the can". However, cans could be up for debate. And for $4.18 to get buzzed on a Malt Liquor-Kool-Aid variant I didn't mind too much.
Buzzing out, my mind yelped at me, "Sh'ma Israel, Adonai Elo'heinu, Adonai Ehad." I continued without the V'ahavta. For some reason I thought of Rinzler's theme via Tron: Legacy OST. Somehow it ended up translating to The Game Has Changed.
When was the last? When was the last time you reflected on everything? Without sex? Without the physical? Without the senses? When was the last time you used your humanity to dictate what morality means? I thought about how words like "Good" and "Bad" to a dog are no different than "obedient" and "disobedient". I knew already that humans had the capacity, although not naturally, to identify the "good" through an intellectual and/or soul-full assessment that transcended the limitations of biology. Was it the beer talking again or was it whatever was left over from shul yesterday?
Then I got out of the tub, dried myself. Walked to the kitchen, got a coffee cup, putting whatever was left of my nasty-pig-smegma-tasting - only speculation - malt-liquor into a coffee cup, and ventured towards the computer. I ended up spacing out and jamming to trance, jazz, heavy metal or whatever the random playlist would produce.
It had been awhile, that was for sure.
I know I had experienced what I thought was a lot over the past 4 years, but was it really enough? Of course like most things in life, while I had I short answer, which is neither correct nor incorrect, still I knew an answer to that.
As the music progressed I remembered whatever courage it took to deal with me, be it myself or another. To come full circle. Or as close as one could get, given set parameters.
I would say it didn't matter, but realistically it only mattered as much as one, or others, would dictate how it mattered. By this point I think my hair had already dried.
1 comment:
it was hard to completely finish reading this post without thinking about my fear and loathing experience way back in high school. maybe i should clarify and say 'way back' wasn't entirely that long ago. it was a night full of drunken debauchery and i had had nearly a gallon of wine to myself in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people and someone decided to put this movie on in the background. i remember laying on the floor with my bottle and my best friend right there next to me and realizing this was probably something i should have watched alone. i have yet to revisit the film but there are certain scenes that will always stick with me. such as this one.
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