2012年1月9日 Dangerous hypotheticals

If given a choice which would
you pick to engage in sex?
The alternative is death from exhaustion
via anal sex performed by Ryan Seacrest,
w/o lube.

This website has a disclaimer, it says you might see adult content. It's not lying by any means, and in actuality it should say, "The dialogue expressed here (at times) is so filthy you will not eat ice-cream or lasagna ever again." With that said, the commentary below is vulgar, questionable, and disgusting. No surprise that this blog is in reference to those things, but in this case the content in this post should just be considered a dangerous hypothetical.

My friends, no I don't mean you in that sense, but my friends have some interesting viewpoints. It should be no surprise that Fozzjnen is "democratically" minded in the social liberal sense (as he's an immigrant), and that some of my other friends are pre-cold war conservatives, cold war conservatives, and libertarians; however, most of them have something in common. That is if given a choice they rather have sexual intercourse with Hillary Clinton versus Michelle Obama. It doesn't matter how this hypothetical question came into existence, but it's here and it's not going away anytime soon.

Of course not being exempt from my own queries I was asked, 

"You would do a black chick?" 

After I had expressed my discomfort with Clinton in general and her behavior. Not only did I hear that from a liberal minded person, but I also heard the following from another person in another section of a political mindedness.

"Clinton." 

The other guy said. So I asked if he was serious, and he replay back with, 

"Still, I think shes [sic] better than obummer."

Wait, what the fuck? My only retort against that, is the sexual stereotype of black women. The stereotype I grew up with, is that black women are insane sexual predators, which express similar sexual social, emotional, and intellectual traits as the bonobos when bonobos express their sexual traits. Do I believe this? No, but for the sake of hypothetical arguments, why not?

And so it begins.

Get to know this face

For one, I look at Hillary Clinton as if she is Emperor Palpatine incarnate. Both of them cackle, both probably have wrinkly - oh yes, you're reading this correctly - flaccid penises, ball-sacks and/or vaginas that look like worn leather coin-purses left outside during monsoon season, and one of them is actually real!

It's true damnit!

You might think I'm over exaggerating, but think about it. Actually, let me phrase what I said after hearing "better than obummer",

"Yeah but which would give a better ride? You might become a monk after [doing] it [with Clinton]. Whereas I'd probably end up a pimp [after doing M. Obama.] lol"

"[I] [p]uke just thinking about it..."

Faces of evil

I'd puke too if someone was imagining me doing it with Michelle Obama, after they had sex with Emperor Clinton-Palpatine.

But, I'm serious about the monk comment. Why else would Bill Clinton have cheated on his wife? I'm sure Bill has cheated several times too, otherwise he'd be in a monastery. Maybe it's because he might have a small penis, or Hillary has one. I'm not sure. But small penis rule (SFW, wiki url) should work in this case.

Now, given a choice between Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton, I'd have to go with Michelle Obama. Not because I'd do black chicks, but because Clinton scares the hell out of me with cackling and her facial expressions. I shit you not, I expect Clinton to shoot lightning bolts from her fingers and cackle while doing it.

Now I'm sure by now many of you are already choking on whatever food, probably lasagna, that you just ate. Surprisingly you'd find a better deal at the Olive Garden than inside of Clinton, which probably has smegma left over from 1843. I don't mean Olive Garden, at non-participating locations. Surprisingly both (Clinton's vag-penis and Olive Garden food) probably smell and look like 4 day old lasagna. Thankfully I don't have worry about any of that since I keep kosher.

Michelle's true form, without
the Ph.D or intelligence of this man.

Wait, did Michelle Obama have a turn?
Don't think she's exempt! 

As far as I'm concerned with Michelle Obama, I'm afraid that if anyone was to have sex with her, just like Vader's helmet and mask, once these emotional/physical equivalents shed from her, it's going to be pretty damn scary. I'm sure her viewpoints wouldn't be anything near or close to Cornel West's, but I wouldn't be surprised if the little girl deep down inside of Michelle Obama looked like him. That in itself is a hard question to answer. On one hand you could have sex with Emperor (Hillary) Palpatine, or Cornel West without the intelligence.

Both options suck, but if given a choice between the two or getting drilled to death by Ryan Seacrest, I'd choose Michelle Obama. Why? Simply because dealing with creepy, cackling, orgasmic, maniacal laughter from Hillary Clinton would force me to kill myself. 

And we know suicide is never okay.

Edit, just a quick update from a friend on this issue,

"[I] [a]lmost want to buy four loko...
[To get drunk so I forget this question ever existed]"