2012年2月24日 Dreams, and asking Pagliacci to laugh

Ridi, Pagliaccio,
sul tuo amore infranto!
Ridi del duol, che t'avvelena il cor! 

Pavarotti singing, Vesti La Giubba (Put on a/the costume)

Dreamland again,
again, and again

The dream I had this morning woke me up a few minutes before my alarm clock went off, which I've been setting earlier and earlier this last week. For once I had a dream that was non-violent, but it still bothered me because it had a somewhat happy, albeit ambiguous ending. By ambiguous ending I mean I woke up before I could resolve anything, which is funny because the premise of that dream was resolution and the future. Before I even opened my eyes I felt like crying, because it was a dream an no matter what I solve or say in dreams, they're just dreams.

It's time to,

Put on your costume,

powder your face.

The people pay to be here, and they want to laugh.

Preparing for work I realized something that I didn't want to admit.

Sometimes when people are faced with an enemy trying to kill them physically, or emotionally, the way one handles it is simple: dehumanization of the opposing force. This is why we hear jokes about the Taliban being towel-heads (which some are) and why Japs are a bunch of bunch of buck-toothed rapists. The buck-toothed part isn't true. Even here at home, we dehumanize our own citizens with social classes (see trailer-trash, Bible-belt, Deliverance the film, and die hard fans of Dolly Parton).

We stop thinking about the other guy as someone like us, with similar goals and dreams. Hell, we could probably even be friends! But no, we think of them as some kind of horrible person, or horrible non-person. Some of us really have to do this dehumanization process of our "enemies", because when we humanize them we can empathize or even have sympathy for them. Some people would say this compromises one's ability to act when a moment of "truth" occurs (see violence, conflict, confrontation).

I do believe that it's possible for most people to lose their strength when they reflect on another person's life, before they take it or engage physically against another. Yet, I also think what makes us better humans is not always allowing biology to dictate what we do and who we are as an individual human. Dehumanization while necessary for some people without the resolve to over come fear, such as fear of the weight and responsibility of not dehumanizing another, is just something I don't think I could do without compromising the possibility of maximized joy. In basic terms, I'd rather live with the constant struggle and questioning of trying to understand. I suppose I'll understand my thoughts when I understand their purpose.

With that said, I will put on my costme for today, powder my face, as the people pay to be here, and they want to laugh. Turning my distress and tears into jest-- my pain and sobbing into a funny face – Ah!

Later today I will have one of three serious rituals completed: the ritual circumcision.

I'm sure my dreams had something to do with it.

Hatafat dam brit

Continued here: http://repugnant-thoughts.blogspot.com/2012/02/2012224-continued-dreams-and-asking.html