2012年2月26日 "Zerschiess das Fenster!"

Driving home, 

25 miles.
I don't mind,

heard the lyrics over my thoughts.
Probably my thoughts over the lyrics.

Didn't matter.
Passed a car,
the car passed me.
I passed him again
at a solemn pace

making my face

I thought about the lyrics
I forgot about the blood
I was angry at
they wouldn't understand.
Blood that doesn't
understand me.

I gave up
and forgot about it.

I thought about you, so
I looked at the buildings

I paused, almost crashing
"I love how the city looks at night."
It reminds me of being a kid.
I could see you sitting
pursing your lips

Some lyrics came on and
I was happy--
I never adjusted
the conditioning on 90 Fahrenheit.

The heat and raspy lyrics

Inside where it's warm
Wrap myself in you
Outside where I'm torn
Fight myself in two
In two
Into...

Please don't change
Please don't change at all
Bring your rain
Bring your rain to fall

I used the wipers for about 50 seconds or so.
Crest moon over head.
"That explains torn in two..."

I smelled like dusk flakes,
-
Or dust flakes?
You know it doesn't matter
-misery, love, and bottom lip
tucked under the upper.

I thought the act of thinking
Thinking you'd understand,
but I wasn't sure you'd want to

I wasn't sure if you would want to
I wasn't sure if you could want to
I could tell you, but you'd stall
I'd say it again slower, in English

Maybe you'd understand we're like glass.
We were pretty transparent,

it's a shame people looked at
us as needlessly tinted

You'd laugh, you'd know what I meant
You'd laugh, you'd meant to know I
You'd laugh, you'd see my humor

No, you'd see me instead,
and I would know that

I didn't know anything new.
I took some drugs,
washing them in with beer

I think they expired
a year or so ago
Did we?

I'd still take it anyway.

I looked down
"....Smoking Can Cause
Cancers
Of The Mouth
And Throat,
Even If You Do Not Inhale."

I'm sure it happens
whether or not
it goes in my mouth

I didn't have to breathe,
I was already affected

I was down on my side
just being alive
I was

I was just on my side
I felt safe. I think it was your turn
to bat, you were safe too.
We waited for the next batter

But I felt safe,
We were safe,
I didn't matter
that there were no fans
We didn't need 'em

But being there on a team
But being, there on a team

Fans could jeer or cheer
Love or hate, but they weren't there
with us, as we watched the others only

Only watching ourselves
as well, and the others

***

Today I smelled the cordite
A guy once told me
"I love the smell of Cordite."
That was over 14
or 15 years ago.
I killed Shalashaska
in '08 or '09.

I could smell that, and it was real
but it wasn't as real as my memories
of other things, of other people

Of smelling you.