2012年2月24日 "Sorry my hands are cold"

Improper planting

The blessing was said, I read some of it, of course asking if it was okay if I try to read the text (not try to bless myself) and I did okay. None of that was a problem. 

Yet, his hands were cold and although I didn't mind specifically, it was a little unnerving to have my phallus touched by a grown man about to lance my lance with a diabetic-type finger prick. A finger-prick pricked my prick. 

I have my mikvah within 12 days or less. Then I got to court and battle it out with the head-honchos. Then I will ethnically, religiously, join the family. 

The more I do rituals and steps towards Judaism (and God), the more I feel like I have a chance to go "home." As in I'll have a chance to wash my exposed roots, finally having the opportunity or infrastructure to plant them. I think the most important part is that I'm dealing with these issues now. I'm not dealing with a midlife crisis, not dealing with a loss of identity, I'm dealing with misplaced roots. With roots it's important that one addresses them early on, like heart disease. The longer one waits, the longer one ages, the probability of actually becoming healthier spiritually is compromised. I think this is why I am sad sometimes when people wait till they are very old to convert. 

I almost feel like some people, regardless of Judaism, put off addressing their soul. You can cook potatoes in a crock pot, adding everything filling it to the top. Yes it's full, but without warmth (the soul) it's just a bunch of cold vegetables (work, obligations), water (life cycles), and spices (social life, etc). Just like trees, they can still be strong on the outside, but compromised internals physically or emotionally (and/or intellectually) makes life miserable, especially without warmth (the soul).

I will do whatever it takes to go "home."
Unless it's murder, theft, sexual immorality (doing it with crocodiles while eating deep-fried Twinkies), and so on.

אני עוד חי, חי, חי 

עם ישראל חי