There is a French woman whom I'll call "Patrice" mainly because she kind of reminds me of the character in Breathless. She is an attractive looking French women who is probably in her late 30's or early 40's.
For some reason I had yet to see her at shul until just recently. Today I noticed she put on a noticeable amount of foundation and blush on, compared to the other times I've seen her. I usually have a hard time retaining eye contact with her because I have questions I want to ask her, among my repugnant questions about whether or not she wants to be familiar with "off-shore drilling".
Does she want to be a Jew? If she's married, why doesn't her husband come? What told her that Judaism is her path? What happens if she does become a Jew? How will her family react? Does she know that you can't be a Jew alone? At least as far as I'm concerned Judaism is not about being alone, and it sure as shit isn't a hermitage. Christians, Buddhists, and everyone else can do their hermitages, but for Jews it's not happening.
Those questions are some things I think about when I see the types like her interested in Judaism and/or serious about converting to Judaism. Are they doing it because they are unhappy? Are they having a mid-life crisis, or is there really something missing that only Judaism can provide? Do they know what's missing before they come to shul?
I can really only answer these questions for myself, but yet while I want to, I can't even imagine how difficult it is for Patrice. If I recall correctly she is married and with children, and yet from the way she talks she has no knowledge of Judaism other than what she reads. This means her husband and house is not Jewish.
I wonder about whether or not my house is Jewish. In a technical sense I have been in a constant transitional period for about 10 years, so being asked or telling someone I have a "Jewish home" is somewhat of a misnomer.
What does it mean to have a Jewish house? Traditions? I have none as I mentioned other than the ones I make. I personally find some solace and joy knowing I am paving my own way. Sometimes it's frustrating, sometimes it's difficult, but I believe the best part about it is that there is a degree of fun knowing that it is a challenge. Some days I am not sure if I can actually do it, others I think I can. I have never thought that being a Jew or wanting to be a Jew as something as just a task or a simple checklist, even though there are some checklist like things when wanting to convert.
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| Confused? Ask a rabbi! |
As far as I'm concerned, wanting to be become a Jew is never something like "Oh I can do this." believing that only mundane or shallow problems lie ahead. It is a constant challenge and struggle of life, and life's wonders. Probably the most enjoyable part is the questions. Things go from, "I can do this!" to "Can I do this?" And not in the sense I ask for permission, but in the sense that it is a personal challenge of whether or not I have the will power and part of it is just accepting the massive difficulty of it.
Do I have the will power to love God?
Do I have the will power to fear and trust God?
Now while I can live to find out like most people, a short and quick Jewish answer to the questions I've presented is as simple as "Ask a rabbi."
Personally I like the love God part, I find that it accommodates loving people too.
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I was also told in the next week or few weeks my love-stick will be stabbed by a knife of some sort. Probably Rambo's knife (video here). According to Rambo when asked "What do you hunt with a knife?" the appropriate response is "Name it." This probably explains why penises end up being circumcised by knives.
According to the guy conducting the ceremony he said it it no different pain wise than a diabetic's testing needle. I didn't have the heart to ask, "Is this knowledge from personal experience?" I'm not personally worried about pain, rather than how much the ceremony costs. Some people actually charge for this short (5 minutes or less) ceremony! After all the ceremonies are concluded I'll probably consider myself a Hebrew/Ivri rather than Jew, although Jew works too. I feel like I'm a horse being led to the racing stall.
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