2012年2月14日 T4T: St. Valentine's Day

Two (posts) For Tuesday!

Anytime there is a holiday that isn't Jewish and it has other religious origins the debate in terms of whether or not to celebrate it is an issue for me. This issue is even more problematic with Russian Jews who have a "New Year's Tree", which is basically a Christmas Tree. Regardless of Christmas or Valentine's Day, I am always pissed off when people have their religious holidays compete with one another.

With that in mind, I never celebrate any holiday on my own volition if it is of religious origin and not a Jewish holiday. Yes, if I'm invited to a Christmas party, I might go, but I will not participate in giving gifts, or prayer. Every time this happens I remind myself of some questions, and while I never saw the following until today, I did keep some of the questions in mind, albeit the phrasing isn't my own.

1. Does the debated activity have a secular origin or value?
2. Can one rationally explain the behavior or ritual apart from the gentile holiday or event?
3.  If there are idolatrous origins, have they disappeared?
4. Are the activities actually consistent with Jewish tradition?

- Rama (Rabbi Moshe Isserlis, Poland, 1520-1572) who explains that there are four criteria that must be met in order to permit Jewish celebration of rituals initiated by Gentiles (Rama Y.D. 178:1 as interpreted by Rabbi Michael Broyde).

Do I feel like I'm missing out?
Not at all.

What single people do
as a response to VD
(I mean the holiday)

I don't feel this way because Christmas is a loose tradition, and because it's so loose to me it's easy to abandon and move on. The fact that Christmas was a loose tradition made it even more alien when celebrating it, and that goes for the rest of religious holidays outside of Jewish ones. I'm tried of celebrating holidays that make me feel like shit and alien when I participate, I end up being more miserable than I was without the holiday. I have spent at least 8-12 Christmases without family, and/or without the Christmas spirit.

The only phrase to get single people
out of participating in bullshit holidays.

So of course even though one of my exes sent me chocolate overseas for Valentine's Day, while we were in a long-distance relationship, I was still miserable and frustrated. One day of the year to say and show how much you love another person? How about doing a little bit everyday? Are we supposed to care because we give, or do we give because we care? That last question is a serious one that I will probably examine in my next relationship, because if someone cards because they gave they assume a certain degree of purchasing power or ownership over what they gave (time, money, etc). I don't want anyone to have purchasing power over me, or me over anyone else. It negates freedom of choice. And if you can't choose to love someone, then what's the fucking point?

Thankfully, the fun part is that I get to choose my own traditions now, but in reality that's how it's always was, I just didn't know it until I woke up.