2011/10/28

2011年10月28日 Interlopers

He didn't drive fast enough. So I passed him and everyone else who was on board with his mentality. From the far right lane it was the easiest thing, and no surprise that it was totally empty. I could tell today was going to be just as cold if not colder than the previous day, so saith my knee, or was it the hunger that drove my knee towards frustration? Probably both.

Blue skies, still damp with lingering darkness. I was letting the cold in at two-sixty-eight, which is my way of saying: two windows down, and 68 miles per hour. Lights on the road began to shut off, but I didn't stop smiling. There wasn't much else to do, other than to do what I've said I declared intention of doing. So far I've upheld all ends, or am in the process of such, outside of sharing want and desire. Yet of those two, they seem more of a disease. But I do not know. The ends that have yet to be held up in completion are often the most arbitrarily hardest ones for me, although they obviously are financial ones since the burdens of surgery expenses, my present living situation, and public-trans fucking my super-pass up has made life miserable at times. But I still smiled this morning, neither dismissing nor welcoming the darkness as it fled west. I watched the sun chase it away.

Inside I feel that it's cold here as well, which may or may not be a good thing since it helps me wonder about people. Thoughts drift towards if they can make the distinction between mercy and sacrifice, or even with greed and love. And I smile, because I can see the want to have both in most people's behavior, and it's even more apparent when it is feasible for them to have both with impunity. Why wait for impunity? Is not such without responsibility or integrity? To execute love with impunity? I don't know if such is possible with humans.

Is it a desire or a disease?
Are my thoughts and feelings even welcomed to question such?
I don't know, but I do know it's still beautifully cold outside, even though it's just as cold on the inside, sometimes uglier.

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