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| PVNS, feels like |
I honestly think that there is a seriously correlation between how I feel and pain in my knee. Sometimes my emotions increase or decrease pain, and I suppose that's why Oregon has medical marijuana. Frankly speaking my knee will do what it wants regardless of how I feel sometimes.
Today, it more or less faired well, compared to this evening, where the burning and general emotional disgust took over. I feel like bashing my head into a wall when it gets that deep. Sometimes the pain is so much I want to scream out loud while crying in complete horror. Just like this chick here (URL, starts at 14:17). I think once Wainwright heard me in my room once groaning from intense physical pain, although he thought I was waxing my carrot at the time.
The burning is endless. It's always there. It's fucking disgusting. It's worse when I see people look at me like they're sorry. I almost want to vomit on them, since they make the same faces that homeless people make, the "No cure, no hope, no way to change" kind of face. Desperation does that to people regardless of whether or not they're burning from arthritic pain, emotional, or the shame in being a hobo. Maybe one could have all three? Hopefully, a person isn't in that kind of position, because without hope or change/progression it's so fucking disgusting. At that point there is No Reason To Live.
Thankfully, I have hope. Because I know realistically there is no cure, and the best thing I can do is endure pain, because life does get better with pain, once I harness it. When pain becomes the master, a person is truly fucked. At least until they overcome it.
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