2012年4月13日 "Knowing it is not enough!"

Me: "I like questions."

Her: "I knooow." She said sounding exhausted from the intensity of having that knowledge. Though I could never imagine a successful relationship from her other than her keeping a mattress warm, it did remind me that in the future if I do have what I believe is a successful relationship, it will be with someone who won't become exhausted from my questions.

I have come to the conclusion that the questions I ask are not what is exhausting, but rather the required brain power of each individual person. What does it matter if they tell me something of great value to them, and I have no influence in their life? What if what I tell them is of no matter and they are of great influence in my life? Wouldn't it be best to tell your greatest achievements to a stranger so that they can't destroy them? How about the opposite? Some would say yes, others would say no. I'm not going to debate which is right or wrong, and I'd digress too much if I did! But she did make that face, that face that says, "I can't think about that." Not because I asked her to, no. But because she cannot think about that with herself. 

Some people can flip a switch and tell you things all day long from an intellectual point of view, but just you wait until their emotions click on. I know at least 3 or 4 women who are able to disregard their emotions and talk without emotions on from their. Most of those women are almost like that 24/7, and it get's a little depressing. It changes though when they get drunk, but most of them almost always try to be in control. As for men like that? I can't imagine more than meeting two in my whole life. But I know they're out there, I have no doubt about that.

I think most would agree that having a balance of both, with oneself, is best. And finding the people who can be around that balance is equally important. So far, I'm doing a good job asking questions with myself, and I can always do better, at least that's how I feel until I'm asleep. Waking up, it begins again. Never turning off. Slowing down, over-heating, too cool, just right, just wrong, but never off. It's off when I'm asleep, unconscious (sleep or something), or death. The latter of which I have yet to experience, but I'll let you know as soon as I find out.

So today, I was reminded of a great movie, which is also more or less a sleeper hit, like Hobo with a Shotgun. Hobo with a Shotgun also has some interesting points, albeit most of them are extremely vulgar. Like a guy wearing ice-skates to kick the shit out of a Hobo with a shotgun.

Anyway, the movie that I was reminded of is called Unthinkable and it's one of the few movies where Samuel L. Jackson plays himself, i.e. not an angry black man, but a reserved man who is philosophical about the procedures of torture, interrogations, and the meaning of life. Seemingly enough he doesn't seem to enjoy what he does, yet he is still good at it.

Quotes of the interrogator:

"None of you understand, we don't stop, until this all checks out. That's the rules. It's my duty to continue.
[...]
Do you believe I can do this? Faith is not enough, he has to know it. KNOWING IT, is not enough! He has to see it." Unthinkable

Torture, interrogation, and difficult questions happen in a lot of shows I like. Not because I like the act of torture, but because torture depending on the application could be considered a challenge. 

For example: After given use of a car for over three years without having to pay for gas, insurance, or maintenance, one would say if someone took it away it would be "torture". One could say that being denied an opportunity to express oneself is torture.

"Every man, no matter how strong he is, lies to himself about something. I will find your lie. I will break you." Unthinkable

And yet, I wonder if we put ourselves in these positions? I'm sure we do, whether or not we are the one applying the challenge or receiving it. Whether it's emotional or physical, we choose to wake up and that's exactly what it is, it's a choice. A choice to participate or not. I choice to do nothing or something. I choice to make things worse or make them better. A choice to stay inside or to go [out] - the latter of which I actually said often in Hebrew and English. In some cases even the torturer is more than just an observer, depending on how the torture affects one, the person applying force might be the one who potentially is challenged the most. It all depends.

And we haven't even gotten around to whether or not torture is wrong, and so far I've evaded this question because for my own observations (in this post) it is a challenge. Most people getting "tortured" or interrogated in the films or shows that I quote have intentionally put themselves in positions where this could happen and they knew it.

"I let myself be caught. [..] I chose to meet my oppressors face-to-face! [...] This is not about me, this is about you!" Unthinkable

And here is another,

Drazi: "...There's nothing I can do."
John: "Yes there is! You can fight, you can refuse to surrender, you can refuse to be broken. You just have to say, 'No I won't.' One more time than they can say, 'Yes you will.'"
Drazi: "Capta--,"
John: "The moment you surrender, you become expendable."
Drazi: "I'm afraid, I've never been afraid before"
John: "We're all afraid. Don't give them what they want. Don't." Babylon 5

And another about challenges,

John: "You're trying to force us to decide which of you is right. You're like a couple of parents arguing in front of their kids, manipulating them, trying to get them to take sides! Not for their benefit, but for yours! But what if the right choice, is not to choose [either one] at all?" Babylon 5

The above quote reminds me that during any challenge a person should or might want to understand who they are under the situation they are experiencing. As the above quote suggests the man above is going to take his side, for his own sake. Similar to children growing up and figuring out what is best for them. Just like a tree before it dies, it has to grow first.

And moreover, sometimes torture/interrogation/pain/challeneges come in active reflection as the below conversation happens to suggest:

G: "The[y] started it."
K: "And will you continue, until there are no more [of you], and no more [of them]? If both sides are dead, no one will care which side deserves the blame. It no longer matters who started it, G [...]. It only matters who is suffering."
G: "No. No, I have an obligation [...]"
K: "And how have you chosen to honor that [..]? What is there left for [you] if all of creation falls around us? There is nothing. No hope, no dream, no future, no life. Unless we turn from the cycle of death toward something greater. If we are a dying people, then let us die with honor, by helping the others as no one else can."
G: "I don't understand."

K: "Because you have let them distract you. Blind you with hate. You cannot see the battle for what it is. We are fighting to save one another. We must realize we are not alone. We rise and fall together. And some of us must be sacrificed if all are to be saved. Because if you fail in this then none of us will be saved, and [you all] will be only a memory.

You have the opportunity here and now to choose, to become something greater and nobler and more difficult than you have been before. [...]"
G: "Why now? Why not earlier? All this time, where have you been?"
K: "I have always been here." Babylon 5

I must say that I do enjoy Babylon 5 because it offers insight to difficult questions in life when we torture, interrogate, or challenge ourselves or another. In most cases in life, unless we're in Cambodia's S-21 prison or death camps in Nazi German or Russia, we're probably just going to put ourselves in positions where we challenge, if not, torture ourselves. 

The sad part is that, even in my own experiences when I reflect, I can't honestly say that I didn't know any better. In most cases, I knew the score, which is another opportunity for me to pitch the movie Heat (1995) to everyone, "He knew the risks, he didn't have to be there. It rains... you get wet." 

I don't have to be anywhere, and even not going anywhere comes with its own price-tag. 

But we know about those* already, don't we?

Is knowing really enough? Do we really have to see the price tag? 

 Sometimes yes, but whether seeing the price tag is torture or embraced, is something that is entirely up to the individual. As an individual.

*2012年3月20日 Price Tags (URL)