I can't concentrate on shit, and it destroys everything. Maybe because I'm a little famished, maybe because I had beer earlier this week. I don't know, but I know I haven't drank since it started hurting, and boy does it hurt. As if the whores of Perkele himself are beating my knee for compensation when I've failed to pay (for substandard Swedish service).
I would amputate above the knee (as I'd have to), if I could only ignore the eyes of disdain from others. Also, who knows if Robo-cop's body is just around the corner or not!? I do know, even you would look at me with sad eyes if I had only a leg and a 1/3.
The constant suffering negates any potential for total compassion, consideration, and kindness. My ability to love another person is temporarily blinded during this pain, as all I can think about is the suffering. Burning. Burning. No smoke. No fire. Nothing, but it's there.
In the end without remedy, the bone will be destroyed over time from the disease, along with any degree or measurement with regards to "quality of life." The only thing left is that I would be alive, but not much humanity, if any, remains after the pain takes over. I suppose that's the worst part about being alive with such. I would cease to be human, but I wouldn't be dead.
I actually am laughing quietly with my a smirk, as I know somehow in another life I must have cut the tendons of an enemy's knee to spite him. Maybe I shot an enemy in the knee? I don't know, but the suffering is here and like unrequited love it will persist until death.
As they say in zombie folklore, "No place is safe, only safer."
There are no painless options for me, only less-pain options.
Haha, idiopathic diseases. Idiopathic problems, I can imagine most of you readers have no idea what it is, unless you watch a lot of medical dramas. If such a thing were to exist in your line of work, people would probably be fired, eventually.
And now I cannot sleep,
even after 1200mg of ibuprofen and a hot bath.
Fuck of a way to start the day.
& I haven't even had a chance
to get sleep yet.
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