2011年5月17日

This morning I woke up at 4:55am to the alarm clock and stiffness on the living room couch. The previous night Wainwright and I passed out to Black Sun. Yes I was able to sleep soundly to a man aborting a woman's baby with a bayonet. I limped over to my room and exactly at 5:05am the neighbor's baby started crying. Now I would have slept well, if I was already asleep, but I was awake, so it's hard to get back to sleep.

When I woke up again it was 6:33 and the stiffness remained.
It lingered and caused me more problems throughout my day, chipping away my mobility. Now because the pain is un-ignorable, I am debating if I should flee to home where can I lie down in the burning company of suffering.

I've been checked in only 6 moves.
"I probably deserve this," I said to my coworker this morning. "Don't say that." She said to me. I smiled and mentioned how fun it is in actuality. My existence (with PVNS) affirms that suffering exists, and that affirmation also provides the negation for a capacity of focused love or consideration.

The worst part of all of this is that the more I try to verbalize depending on the audience, my train of thought is constantly derailed, with no survivors.