2011年9月22日 Gary Numan

If I could pick only five things for you to read what is currently on this blog at present, this post would be one of them. Even if my train of thought often has no train at all in some instances. Music heavy, you don't need to watch any of the video though, just listen to the songs. Most videos have the lyrics posted with them.

It should be zero surprise I am mentioning him, as I often hid his lyrics here or there throughout my posts. I suppose I'll explain why in this semi-editorial, hopefully I try to avoid rambling.

If you can get past his most widely known and heard tune, Gary Numan is an artist who talks about issues in a way that I normally would never talk about. I would never have such an strong dislike towards G-d, at least not like him. Don't get me wrong, although I do like Gary Numan, some things he states or mentions in his lyrics I do not agree with. Initially Numan's point of view was that G-d did not exist, and that believing in such is bullshit. Thankfully he's changed his stance on the issue by not only acknowledging existence in his songs, but by reinforcing it with his strong dislike towards G-d. I'll try to keep this to a minimum.

Numan has not only had his own set backs in life, he has used as fodder against G-d, and not just the argument of existence. What's promising is that Numan constantly strives for love, and the absence of such only enforces Numan's belief towards hating G-d and arguing that G-d is just as absent from him as having an experience with love and family (see Prayer for the Unborn). Yet there are instances where he accepts the possibility of having a relationship with G-d, albeit one where G-d does what He wants regardless of Numan's feelings, taken from You Walk In My Soul, of the album Sacrifice:

I'll love you forever
And a day
I'll love you till God comes and takes me away

Whisper of Truth, on Sacrifice, Numan describes the difficulty with dealing with isolation from an  androgynous unspecified person of interest through love. One of the advancements of this track, versus another from his previous album, is that he specifies that there is "No angel to guide" him. Yet his feelings seem to be built around his insecurity or affirmation of his insecurities regarding issues of love, and a good example of such is with Love Isolation, on Machine + Soul.

Tracking back to an even earlier album than the above mentioned Numan's lyrics on God Only Knows, which I believe is a take on the Beach Boys song of the same name, go something like this:

How I survived God only knows

I remember the feeling
I'll remember forever
How it all just came apart

I don't believe in praying
I don't believe in a God
Now I question everything

The dreamer is gone
I'm an old man

On a side note, both the Beach Boy's own tune and Numan's relate to difficult emotional issues, specifically those that conflict and confuse love. The absence of knowing, outside of G-d knowing, seems to be a common theme, even if Numan jumps on and off the fence on whether or not he believes.

On Desire he once again tackles the difficulty of suffering:

So will I suffer

Humility,
Divine forgiveness,
When you come for me?
When you come for me

In many of his songs, it's clear that he wants G-d's help, yet he is quick to penalize G-d when horrible things happen, and this is heard on Little Invitro, as a response to a(n assumed) failed pregnancy. Surprisingly Numan still works well with maintaining a connection to a spiritual or ethereal world and its members. An example of that is heard on A Child With The Ghost.

If I had one wish
I'd wish to talk with you
I have some questions
Things only you could know
If I had one wish
I'd wish to talk with you
Nothing you can feel
Can feel as cold as this

I like those lyrics because they're easy to empathize with when it feels like I'm listening to someone preaching the truth. Especially in regards to my own life.

If I had to pick a Numan song, I really couldn't just pick one, I would pick something that relates to how I feel at a given moment and go from there. But just comparing some of his songs, like the difference between M.E., Pure, and She's Got Claws is huge in my mind. Although there is a common theme of alienation and isolation emotionally or otherwise. Pretty obvious from lyrics that state, "We're dreams in cold storage."

Unlike Insane Clown Posse's Miracles, Gary Numan "[doesn't] believe in [M]iracles". Before you click on ICP's version, keep in mind that the lyrical quality is so far down the toilet with ICP that I am bothered I even brought it up.

I must say that there is something in the back of my mind listening to Gary Numan's songs, and it mainly comes from not only my Torah readings, experiences and self reflection on life, but also from Hagakure's occasionally mentioned Master Ittei, whom the writer of Hagakure clearly respected.

"Matters of small concern should be treated seriously."

"It is not good to settle into a set of opinions. It is a mistake to put forth effort and obtain some understanding and then stop at that."

“Master Ittei said: ‘If I were to say what it is to do good, I would say simply that it is to endure suffering. Failing to endure is always bad.’”

So far I think Gary Numan is doing his best at conveying suffering. Yet, he has failed to endure the love that G-d gives us and allows us to give to others. That's something that always sticks somewhere in the back of my mind when I listen to his songs. More examples of suffering here on Dance, album of the same name.

And I could always
take the pills and leave
But you have to stay awake
to stay away
And I would die for you
And I would cry too
And I would sing like rain
And I would find you

In 1980 Gary Numan released Telekon, 14 years before Sacrifice. This is Please Push No More, a song about a the difficulties and strain of love, and as mentioned before if you didn't catch it by now, something that is almost present in every Numan album.

Now it's all over for sure
I'll walk back home
We must all come down
We all grow old
We are close, we are hurt
So that was love
And love she kills me
It needs to, so

Please push no more

Gary Numan does something that Dapl does every well, both of them give up on love, growing old,  while wanting not to be pushed anymore. It's clear from this point that they have violated Ittei's valuable advice with their own opinions. Yet, I wonder if the security of Numan's and Dapl's opinions is what negates feelings and beliefs through strict, albeit, questionable discipline? 

Opinions can change with facts, but beliefs?
Don't worry, Numan has a song that could be relegated to that kind of question:

And I can not be saved
Not by you
Not by God
I want to bleed

And I can hardly breath
Look at me
Falling down
Before your eyes

All I've needed
Takes me away from you
All I've wanted
Takes me away from you
All I live for
Takes me away from you
All I'd die for
Takes me away from you

From Haunted, which I believe to be unrequited love - interesting dialectic there huh? - and the difficulties of such, and that is something that Gary Numan clearly haunts himself with regularly. Off of Jagged, 2006. I like this one, and I think about it often when I think about G-d, love, and more.

Gary Numan's take and perspective on relationships, love, the heart, and the absence of G-d show, to me at least, the pressures of life and the toll it takes on the soul. Heart continues with that idea, and the saxophone does it's part too.

There's no tears for you.
Time will heal you
Time heals everyone
There's no heart at all.
Time will help you
Time helps you forget me.

Yet in reality Numan has not forgotten anything, and his continued use of themes like this only show the important of how love, relationships, and G-d affect him. I agree with not forgetting, even though the woman's supporting lyrics in the song suggest the passing of time to heal. Frankly speaking, I think Numan needs to remember, he needs that history otherwise he has nothing. I suppose I can relate in my own way, one way or through others.

Do you use music too?
Music is quite popular and a great form of expression.
Just take Roy Orbison for example and his ballads of love, or Teddy Pendergrass.
Hell even Ted Nugent has his take, albeit usually reserved for putting his butter on his woman's gritz.