2011年9月12日 Puzzling

I had a picture in my posession, more like a puzzle.

I think it was yours. 

Did you even own it to begin with?

Anyway, over the weekend dealing with certain issues, 

I realized caring about that puzzle was meaningless.

I don't mean I was unhappy, and I honestly could, 

and maybe would want to careless, if you were bothered by that. 

It made sense to me, albeit depressing. 

I smiled, thinking about how that puzzle didn't matter at all to me 

and I thought it was funny that there were other people who could genuinely understand why. 

I thought it was funny you would never be able to understand those people.

You would never know these people.

You would never know people.

I used to think that an isolation of love was how I felt about you 

and that puzzle represented something towards that, 

but I was wrong.

That isolation wasn't about you. 

That isolation wasn't about shadows 

from the days of my Bushido-esque rituals and thinking.

But I digress. 

I don't feel like I should owe you an apology at all.

In actuality, I should have apologized to those who actually listened to me.

To those who cared. 

To those people, I should have said, "Thank you."

To those people, I should have said, "I'm here."

To those people, who I can call my friend and more.

You weren't those things. 

And I'm not angry.

I'm not sad. It wasn't real to you.

I wasn't real to you.

Even though I wasn't hiding.

And now that puzzle means nothing to me.

Just like how I was nothing to you.

And I am not bothered the slightest.

I am not bothered.

What puzzles me is why I couldn't see those around me.

I couldn't see those who wanted to see me.

Those who could open their minds to me,

sharing thoughts, ideas, and beliefs.

The real puzzle is why I let myself be so confused.

The real puzzle, isn't in a closet somewhere, hiding.

The real puzzle is in the mirror when I look.

I am grateful I can see the pieces.

I am grateful I have a chance to put them together.

And I am grateful those people, the ones who were there, 

the one's who mattered, helped me find those pieces.

I am real to others who can see me.

And I like that.

So when I say, "I don't miss you."

I'm really saying, "Good-bye."

You wouldn't understand.

Even if I explained it to you.

Now I understand how 至誠 works.*

*shisei