This morning I was browsing around the internet after looking at an old post I made. Browsing the internet after looking at older stuff on the internet is kind of like going to a mall. Somehow you saw something you didn't intend to see (such as a new website), but you're going to look at it and stare anyhow. Well, the thing I discovered was In Over Your Head's, Complete Guide to Not Giving a Fuck
I am happy I found that, especially after rereading something I posted awhile ago. Even though I think it's incomplete for not referring to Fight Club.
But just bullshitting about finding stuff on the internet isn't why I'm posting.
I personally don't give a fuck about people who are not my friend and have no power over me than what I gave to them in the first place.
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| Go ahead, suck life from yourself. You still wouldn't give a fuck. |
One of my favorite sayings to my friends or associates regarding people they don't like is that, "They don't live with you, so who gives a fuck?" Honestly one should always be concerned with who one lives with. Why? Because why should you live with someone who sucks life from you? Or why should anyone live with you if you suck the life from them? Why should you live with yourself, in your current capacity, if you suck life from yourself?
These problems err... questions, pop up from my life and its uncertainty, and sometimes certainty. I would honestly say one of the biggest fears most, if not all people have, is uncertainty. Uncertainty scares the fuck outta us, when really most of us should or may want to consider learning not to give a fuck.
Uncertainty also tells us to stay miserable instead of going out into the wilderness. I think that's also the reason I'm skeptical of women's intentions after I express that life is full of uncertainty. Usually this frightens them! But why?
Why does uncertainty frighten a person in a deep relationship? I suppose it's because some of us have a fear of the unknown, but to actually know something you have to advance into the unknown. A great example of this would be to conduct a voyage or getting being lost in the wilderness. Without actually being in the unknown you are unable to expand upon what is known.
Of course in today's society we trick ourselves into believing we can learn the unknown from the safety of our desks or in classrooms. But let's not bullshit ourselves, as there is no substitute for experience. That's for sure.
I don't give a fuck about people who honestly are more concerned about whether or not I'm judging them. As soon as they realize I don't give a fuck, that's when I know I'm being judged harshly. So I end up giving less of a fuck.
Even more so, I deal with people who honestly don't even want to invest time into anything other than themselves, so frankly speaking, concepts like "up front respect" is only more bullshit to me. My dad, when available, raised me to:
1) Not give a fuck, unless you decide to, and
2) Never respect anyone who doesn't earn it. (I underline anyone, because no fucking way I'm going to respect stuff above a person).
Anyone who demands respect from me, neither knows me nor cares about how I feel. Of course the same might be said of me. Once I told someone that I need to not only love them for a healthy relationship, I also need and want to have respect for them. I honestly have no healthy relationships when respect is "expected" of me. Expecting fairness I can understand, but EXPECTING respect is different. Of course, being a guest in one's house, etc., has its own "rules", but if you don't give fuck about those, why bother reading to the end of this paragraph?
Other times like when I meet uncertain people or people who say, "I want to do X, but I can't" I often dismiss their desires or fears immediately, because they've already decided to give up. So it's hard to actually give a fuck, which I almost don't.
Most of them giving up without actually doing any investigation, or because they avoid fear potentially associated with uncertainty. These people do not like gambling, (recreational games), or competition unless they know they will win. At that point why even bother? The game or exercise itself loses value if the "win" is more important.
The best part about this, is while I'm just scratching the surface, I am so happy to know that I don't need to, have to, or really give a give a fuck about most challenges like that in my life. Uncertainty is a self-feeding demon, kind of like when I get excited off my own excitement. Perpetual. The downside is that uncertainty for the fearful is often a black-hole. Gaping open after two dudes simultaneously pull out thei... You should understand what I'm trying to say at this point.
No one like that lives with me, and my life has a wonderful degree of serenity, because not giving a fuck about uncertainty is the best choice I could make in my life. Uncertainty is another price tag for being alive.
My shift ends so now I have to go outside.
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| I am Jack's uncertainty |
***
Outside was great, since I met up with a girl from shul to bullshit and assess the quality of life. She is close to my age, a year younger. I can tell while we get along we wouldn't get along in the dating sense. I'm sure she likes having someone else to talk with who isn't in their late 35's or old enough to be a father/mother, grandpa/grandma at shul or outside of it.
I think we're it in terms of people who willingly go to shul around the 18 to 24 and 25 to 30 range. It's kind of sad I guess since more and more people are dying and less and less people even bother with being "Jewish". Eventually kids will celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas and assume God is like Santa. I guess today's American-Jews are giving less of a fuck. Honestly speaking, I still don't give a fuck what they think, I'm not going to make them do anything they don't want to, as they'll end up fucking it up anyway.
On a side note, they might end up fucking themselves up avoiding uncertainty, just like an alcoholic fears facing the uncertainty of life without booze. Or a man afraid and uncertain of being alone with pain, yet stays in an abusive relationship.
Not giving a fuck is a way to deal with this, or letting go of everything that prevents us from being happy with ourselves without escaping. Sometimes not giving a fuck is a form of escape, or affirmation of taking a stand for oneself? Moral survival? Confronting the escape? Who knows?
No one said not giving a fuck would be easy.
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