May-day! May-day! We're gonna crash aahhhhh----!!!
Jabberwocky's girl-friend seemed alright. She also seemed to be on-board with how I felt about his flakiness and tendency to hide large parts of his life in black and grey. It is confusing to really know who he is when he hides large parts of himself.
At some point during the GF's explanation of how they met, she flat out said to Jabberwocky, that "He (me) already knows how it went down. He has it figured out." or something close to that. Why? I'm clever. And I asked ninja-questions which caught her off super-guard. Of course, it didn't help I called her "lady" nonstop. As "Bitch" and "Cunt" are generally reserved for evil people! Or little girls on Efukt!!
I brought the "black and grey" issue up in front of Jabberwocky, his girl-friend, and his casual friend. Probably a bad idea, but frankly speaking I like full-disclosure. And if anyone openly introduces me as a person with "No filter" then they should really take their own words to heart. I often wondered if he was saying that out-loud for his own sake, rather than hers. Since, towards the end as far as I could tell, he seemed to be the only one who was getting angry and frustrated with me. As for myself, I can only say I was getting disappointed when he walked away after saying bitter things about my character (no, not my character on WoW).
On a brief note, I thought those cold things he said about me were funny, in retrospect, because he contributed to that coldness at some point or another, and yet now he solely blames me. Meh! Win-some lose-some. As I said, retrospect is entertaining.
Anyway, as for the "casual friend", I say casual friend because this person is more like an activity partner for this "friend" (Jabberwocky) of mine.
Jabberwocky is good name. I digress.
CF would often say to Jabberwocky, or vice-versa, "Let's do this! Or that!" But I never felt Jabberwocky or CF to be one to engage either in intellectual discourse, especially regarding their own character or moral standing. But then again who am I to complain? Wait, wtf, this is my blog! I can complain aaaaaalllll I want!
Anyhow, it was refreshing for me to be sharp, direct, honest, and to the point (like a knife, or sword) with my words. It wasn't that I was cutting people down. It was that whatever bullshit posterity-let's-all-be-nice-happy-together mentality was brought to the table, I felt, and actually believe, wasn't necessary for "friends." We're all friends, right? Why should I have to pull punches? If I'm asked a question, I give an answer. I don't bitch about how, "I don't want to fight" or "You're an asshole." etc. No, I kick, I scream, I get excited. Surprisingly, or not, I actually said I don't pull punches, I don't like kid gloves, I get excited, and I like hard questions. Sharp questions. So technically I wasn't lying!
Tough questions... Questions you don't even want to ask yourself, so much so, that you even forget those issues existed. Do you remember when you 8 years old? Do you remember when you parents disappointed you? The first time you were disappointed in your dad? Or when your mom failed you? These are things without hesitation I will ask. I'm not making fun of you. I'm not digging up skeletons. I don't see any difference between yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Mainly because I don't think time is as linear as people seem to think it is.
 |
| 1-on-1 at least 5 years ago. |
Anyhow, he angrily left when I argued that he wasn't giving me as straight "yes" or "no" on an issue. When he backtracked to me, I told him that I would give him a detailed schedule of when I am free, since he asked "When are you free?" He said, "just tell me when you are free." Well, I am free from certain times to certain times, but depending on what we do, that time can change. That's what I was trying to get to, and his inability to be patient enough for me to get that point was lacking. For example, if we drink, I need X amount of time. If we hang out doing activity Y, I need Y amount of time.
Of course most of this is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that I unconsciously knew he's impatient, and that he would treat our time facilely, by caking it with a lot strangers around. I don't mean Jabberwocky's GF is a stranger, I mean that Jabberwocky doesn't really, or as far as I'm aware of, want to spend quality time alone with me on a 1-on-1 basis. Of course, I knew this ahead of time, especially when I got texts about him including other people for our day to hang out.
I could have tried harder, like the native Americans, but frankly speaking I was honest from the get-go, sharp, rude, and direct, but honest. He was more or less the same, indirect, not so deep openly (or even privately with me), casual, and light.
When I started talking, I could see his eyes cringe a little bit. Of course, why should I yield when I can see my tongue's blade go snicker-snack on his insecurities to my comments about life and my observations? He clearly had announced my introduction as, "He has no filter." Why should I yield with friends, that shit for strangers or little girls!
I hate being right, especially when someone feels like they're in the teeth of a tiger. Or rather, in front of or behind a loose cannon on a deck.
It's a blessing and a curse!
Fuck!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment