2012年5月2日 "When are you going to cut your hair"

Hurry call "whine-one-one!"

I heard that this morning in my dream before I woke up.

It was what Jabberwocky - read the previous post - said to me when he first saw me in almost 3 years. Of course, 3 years ago, he said the same thing. Every time he looks bothered with how I look, or dress, or whatever. He always brings this up within the first 2 minutes of meeting, or before we do some basic shop-talk. 

I remember once he bitched about how "dorkish" I am for tucking in my shirt. Well, for one "Yes, it could be dorkish looking." But it's also my body, my clothes, and my money. I have a job, my own living quarters (which I pay for with my own money), and my own life. Sure I can choose to share my life with him as a friend, but if he's bothered with how I live, well then too fucking bad. Time to call the waaaaahmbulance. Hurry, dial whine-one-one! So they can remove my foot from asses before someone bleeds out!

I smiled again as my eyes adjusted to the new morning when I realized that I don't have to deal with bullshit like how I look around him. Who cares if I have long hair, a mustache, short hair, jeans and flannel, or khakis and a collar? Is not my own character of greater value? I'm sure some of you are wondering the same thing about whores. I know I am!

Just tryin' to be myself!

Just like you, I have a choice over my own body. It's my body. If I'm not comfortable with who I am with myself, then why the hell would I be comfortable (or even myself) around you?

I think it's important to be who we are with ourselves. When we aren't sure who we are, it's important to meditate or masturbate furiously. Whichever comes first. Haha, get it?

Anyhow, Miriam Woelke at Shearim.blogspot made an interesting post about being accepted in Haredi society from the point of view of an ex-flatmate and her own observations:

The only thing I noticed was that A. was facing severe difficulties of being accepted into haredi society. There were many reasons for it but she still tried as hard as she could. There were times when A. may have got the feeling that she was accepted. At least from time to time.

I, on the other hand, have never felt the desire squeezing myself into something. I neither need acceptance nor acknowledgement because I am simply too individualistic and especially introverted. Doing my thing and not waiting for other Haredim to say that I am so "holy". A Zaddika !

I am not and I don't want to hear all this slogans. I am not a Zaddika and not sooo terribly religious running after the perfect Hechsher, wearing only long sleeves or skirts. In my opinion, being religious consists of many different aspects in life besides the usual Halachot. How you react towards your environment, for instance. "Bejn Adam le'Chavero". Or that you honestly pray and not because the time for Mincha has arrived. That you take religious matters seriously, think and internalize them and not doing, doing, doing without using your brain.

Well that's basically it. Similar frustrations that I have. 

I believe we should think and internalize who we are. Focusing on what we are, instead of clearing our minds of "everything". Our minds are already cleared or saturated enough from all the noise of T.V., daily-life, escapism (through T.V., alcohol, drugs, white people, video-games, etc), and other things. So much so, that sometimes we barely have enough time, if we're that lucky, to find out who we are with ourselves! Of course, you'll definitely have more time to figure yourself out, if you're drinking in a Finnish sauna.