2011年8月23日 Miracles

I don't believe in them.

The short version is that I was more or less kicked out of my mom's apartment, in the middle of my recovery, and with nowhere really to go. It wasn't even her choice, nor did she really have one, which bothered her.

Somehow I did luck out and now I'm staying with my aunt on the other side of Portland. I often see black people, which surprises me since the side of Portland and beyond has very few.

Happenings in my brain.

It's further away from anything I'm remotely familiar with, and I have to get up and leave significantly earlier than I'd like, but it seems to be not that bad. So far.

I woke up around 4:50 AM so I could get to work on time, which actually translates to early. Even when Wainwright and I lived together, I often liked to get to work early.

As for the morning, cheap musk trying its best to conceal the odor of malt liquor at 5:50am reminded me of several things. Then the creature sat in front of me, and no surprise, but the horrible lingering scent of cheap cigarettes dominated the air around me, and removed the previous less promising smells that accompanied him. Just sitting there, I felt as if the stench from the man's clothes would transfer to mine. I cringed and looked forward, counting the black people who got on the bus (excluding the driver).

I'm surrounded
By old stories
With nowhere to hide 

I could show you these ugly things and ugly people. I could show you how to live like them. Then I could show you how to hate them. But I just want to forget about that, I just want to file it away never to be used again.

Wait, what kind of coke
are we talking about?

When I got to work I was easily 30 minutes earlier than my regular, but it couldn't be helped anymore than that realistically.

I don't feel anything in regards to myself right now. My knee is still bothering me, still not much below 90 degrees. I don't sleep well because of it, but I don't care much beyond getting a good night's rest right now. I don't want to have any sense of entitlement regarding any issue right now, and so far I don't really feel entitled to anything.

However, I do want a Coke.

And that bitchin' Camaro that I wish Jesus had.