2011年8月19日 Shower thoughts 001

I was in the shower this morning wondering about Jesus and why the Jews don't accept him as the messiah. If you're a non-believer, atheist, Odin, Thor, Chuck Norris, or  Jew I can understand.

Stereotypes ahead.

Here's why:

1.  It does not make sense to Jews that Jesus was a carpenter. Now if Jesus was say, an investment banker, fuck yes the Jews would be all over him as the Son of G-d.
   
2. "Yo Jesus, your ride sucks man." Seriously, on a donkey? I bet if Jesus had a bitchin' Camaro the Jews would have been like, "Holy Christmas Jew, this is awesome!"
   

   

   Accurate representation of
   high-class vehicles in antiquity.

   
   
3. Same problem as no. 1, Jesus can walk on water, but nothing about matzah or challah receipes?!
   
   
4. If Jesus can turn water into wine, why can't he turn dirt into money?
   
   
5. A poor blind man is healed by Jesus. How the hell does that help the dude? He's still poor!
   
   
6. Jesus is said to have have the ability to break a few loaves of bread and fish into multiple pieces, so much so that there was a surplus of food for over 3,999 people. This explains the concept of welfare in America. Thanks Jesus.
   
   
7. Jews associate the behavior of Jesus to Ron Paul, Jesus did not like bankers/money-lenders in the Holy Temple. Ron Paul does not like the Federal Reserve's grip on America. Things didn't end well for Jesus. Who is Ron Paul again?
   
   
8. How come Jesus didn't have any Jew-gold?
   

   

   Seriously.

   
   
9. Jews probably would have believed in Jesus if he died on a  giant dreidel.
   
   
10. How come when Jesus was being accused of crimes, he did not hire a Jewish lawyer?
    
    
11. Jesus was bad for the economy because he could use Jew-magic to produce gold in the mouths of fish (Matthew 17:24-27).
    
    
12. (Continued thought from above) Did I forget to mention Jesus' friends were fishermen? Is this like the Jew version of Casino or something? No wonder Jews don't believe in him, he takes gold from the mouth of fish, when he could use using it for investment banking. Since Christians claim he is the beginning and the end, why didn't he magically buy a Camaro?

That about sums it up for now.
As for a bitchin' Camaro, it goes something like this.