2011年7月20日 Black and yellow

...[E]verything is tainted in
black, yellow...

When I exert myself at home I feel dizzy and sometimes nauseous. Why is this happening? It's not the drugs, since I've only taken Ibuprofen in the past 24 hours plus.

In the bathroom surveying the damage to my knee, I notice that the swelling is still on par with the cantaloupe I received from a former friend's mother when she came to visit me briefly. It was when I was wrapping back up when I saw the crimson and black blotches on the outside, and even further up the hind of the thigh. Yet the outside was more yellowish and purple. Attractively hideous. Rocking forward and back like a frustrated autistic-kid, I do my best to bounce my torso forward and back trying anything to avoid the pain. Sitting still does nothing.

Miserable, I realize there is nothing that can be done to quench the pain's thirst for conquest. As if my Goddamned knee is blokada Leningrada reincarnated! GFWI (i.e. JFGI, link). I'll win, but at a cost that sucks.

Throbbing is persistent, and periodically I have breaks, but none that are consistent enough to provide a measurable quality of sleep. Nothing is set in stone with pain, everything is on pain's terms. Patience is the first thing to get voided. After that, next are human characteristics which become tainted. Soon after that, smiling becomes a difficult task. Really the only thing left to do is anything that negates thought and effort, as the production of these things must come to an immediate end. Nothing must be done. Nothing must be thought of. Everything must be turned off. Everything has to be turned off before the pain can taint it. When everything is tainted in black, yellow, crimson, and purple blotches, one rarely wonders how much of it circulates back into the mind and heart.

But I wonder.
No one understands.
Sometimes I don't even get it myself.

This is no where near the worst news I have in life at this time.
If anything, it is a solemn reminder to laugh at my own misfortunes,
with some sort of sadistic-glee.
Only circumstances such as this could be so entertaining.