2011年6月17日 Greener Grass

Entitlement is a hell of a thing. One day I woke up and I did not give a shit if had anything. I didn't feel like I deserved anything, water, t.v., internet, life, you name it. Least of all, I didn't even feel like I deserved to die so that I could escape this feeling. I didn't feel like escape was something I was entitled to have, nor did I give a fuck. In actuality this feeling has still remained with me, I still don't give a fuck, and frankly I don't see why I should. Am I entitled give a damn? If I have the strength mentally to deal with it am I then? When am I not? Does it really matter? Are you entitled to anything? Who are these guys to say they need anything?

I watched the grass on the other side grow greener and greener. I could see my own situation sucked, and that's a conservative approach. If my grass isn't green, does it make the other side's grass greener? So in a sense I'm doing extra work for the other side? Does there need to be such a fence? Who gives a shit? It's not like clouds discriminate.

More and more questions, and little answers come to mind. Heated language sounds fueled with anger, but if anything it is a triality of frustration/disappointment, support/comfort, and understanding/confusion. Mainly because all I can wonder about is whether or not someone is entitled to be angry or happy with how I express X or Y idea.

If I'm not entitled to ask the question than should the answer come freely? Or does it not come at all? If we're not entitled to truth, then we're entitled to lies? Does this mean we're entitled to deception in lieu of truth being available?

Should we get the answers to our questions if they change nothing else outside of revealing the truth? 

Personally, I think everyone ought to know truth instead of a half truth or a lie. If deception is tolerable, then the consequences of such are also acceptable, regardless of how vulgar, violent, or vicious the consequences.

Does not the absence of life
remind one of life's own importance?

The grass is greener on the other side, but who says my mound of dirt is of no value? My rotting land, and the soul that lives on it, is testament that a better life and the work towards sustaining such can allow greener grass or the absence of such. Yet who says hard work has to yield anything? Is being human enough?

How disappointed God ought to be when He looks at His creations and wonders what He feels He's entitled to have. I know what I'm going to do right now, I'm going to have a coke.