2012年1月30日 Free book continued

I mentioned awhile ago that I got a free book.
Low and behold it came in the mail!

The gun that blows up
in your hand.

A very big thank you, to Mike at: 
www.everydaynodaysoff.com
I looked at that website almost religiously in Japan.

I will probably end up reading it just so I can go sell it at Powell's bookstore. Frankly it's a good read so far and I'm excited to have it, but there is no way in my right mind or wrong mind that I would spend $26 on a book about the history of Glock firearms. Now, if it were a book about HK (Heckler & Koch GmbH) firearms...

Bleh, I'd rather save my money for more gun-stuff, but I can't see that in my immediate future or future at all.

The book even describes how a Glock functions with it's Safe-Action trigger.

Yep

2012年1月28日 The speed limit

In my life I often forget two things. I should stop worrying, and - I don't see the point in - going slow with anything I enjoy doing. 

My regular speed 

I'm a fast eater, especially with food I enjoy. I am savoring every new bite by constantly adding more food to my mouth. Sometimes I forget to chew, but even then I don't often choke. Maybe I don't digest it the best way possible, but at least I was able to digest to some degree.

As for worrying, I often want to offer myself towards others whenever possible. In friendships, with mentors, with whomever I care about I want to give as much as I'm allowed. And I want to know that it's okay or not okay to care as much as I do. However, without having actually guidelines or a basis to function from I am frustrated and confused.

I was reminded today that I should slow down and stop trying to be in a hurry.

Anyone else feel like they're moving too fast, too slow or?

2012年1月26日 Trunk of Ahmed

"It doesn't take long to do the good things. Though I am a bad Muslim. I smoke weed, drink, fuck chicks."

I wondered whether or not he does this to the following or if he saves that kind of music for efukt(.com, NSFW) as he he masturbates without reservations or chokes a bitch while chanting "Allahu akbar":

I think part of me inside died a little bit as I realized I was talking to a dude who believed that Israel was just as bad as communist Chinese. Considering that the (Communist - with a capital "C") Chinese believe in nothing other than synthetic penile enhancement and world domination through atheism, I couldn't understand why the Saud couldn't grasp the difference between those two countries.

It only mattered as much as I wanted it to, and that's why I thought of moral nihilism for the millionth time.

2012年1月25日 Moral Nihilism

Today is a day where pints at McMenamins are $2.50.

This is incredibly awesome.

***

What the fuck is up with comedy?
I enjoy comedy, but sometimes I wonder....

Fat chicks could lose weight, but a comedian of any caliber won't lose his or her natural talent or characteristics for accommodating such, assuming they aren't married or are recently divorced. It's frustrating, but realistically, it's often quite funny. I don't mean getting divorced, but it's funny because you can always joke about it.

Can you imagine doing this guy?
Too bad he's dead!

Bob Saget once said, "My ex-wife is fucking [r]ich. [...] Rich also happens to enjoy the house my ex-wife got in the divorce."

Comedy is one of those things that can either bolster our self-esteem or destroy it, without reservations - i.e. anyone who isn't a Native American. Frankly speaking, comedy allows us to stay alive longer than we ought to be allowed, unless we're smoking comedians, then it's an issue.

Fat chicks. They lose weight, and move on with life. However how do you lose your characteristics? How do you lose the "excess" you? Especially if it's your character? Do you enjoy sports? Do you enjoy fishing? Do you enjoy beer? Getting cunted? Cunting someone? What if someone helped you stop doing those things? What would you do?

Kind of kills the joke of life when you can't be yourself doesn't it?

I suppose without religion, God, and/or spirituality I would be a moral nihilist. I don't think that common sense is common, as if it were the case then the poor would be the wisest among us!

Comedians.
They aren't getting
laid anytime soon

In a sense I wonder, often, how life truly would be if comedians were genuinely revered above and beyond their success on the stage. Comedy itself is often a difficult task, but to be a comedian, in the truest sense means one is often a philosopher to some degree as well, and that means it will follow you home. I suppose the joke is that a comedian who is married is often fucked for life, considering most men or women who married a comedian often don't understand they're getting involved with something as deep as the void (all 13 inches worth)*.

*Women comedians have 13 deep vaginas, and the assholes of male comedians could probably accommodate the man meat of Mr. 20-to-Life or petite forearm of Wendy Liebman.

Outside of 1000 Ways to Die, physical comedy is probably the hardest form of comedy on the planet, which explains why Frenchmen smoke so often, as mimes suck that bad.

So imagine dating for these comedians? After 10 minutes at a club a baby seal has a better chance of getting laid by Babe Ruth than most comedians do in their life time. Like most nerds they probably know more about reproductive organs than people who actually get to use them, outside of urinating or shitting. Of course mass media (i.e. print presses) and the the internet changed a lot for all audiences, it really only affected those who aren't getting laid on a regular basis.

With moral nihilism, I shouldn't even be bothered.
And frankly, while my words change nothing regarding comedians or people's viewpoints, it's interesting to me that people act the way they do towards comedians. Just like our spiritual leaders, comedians have their place in society, even if it happens to outside the city limits.

(not proof-read)

2012年1月24日 Some ideas

are bad ideas.

2012年1月23日 Places in Africa

If Toto's Africa doesn't immediately come to mind, it should.

Somehow I can't imagine being in Africa over the next decade, unless it's to hunt penguins in South Africa. I have it all planned out, it'll be my reenactment of the D-Day beaches of Normandy. Yes I hate penguins that much. Unless I can charge people to watch Rosie O'Donnell fight Roseanne Barr to the death to decide who will eat 'em like discount Twinkies.

If that doesn't take me to Africa, my fascination with weddings and guns would probably bring me there, and from the picture below it looks like they know how to have a good time.

Unlike Visa, whose slogan "It's Everywhere You Want to Be" 
Africa, isn't one of those places.

Make sure to spot:

• The owner of Lassie's African counterpart.
• The guy who still plays with Barbie dolls.
• Captain Turquoise.
• Captain 70's-Motorcycle, without the motorcycle.
• The army kid who has seen, but not played, Counter-Strike and is "wiggin" out.
• The buff dude walking to his groom.

Africa: keeping the 80's alive.

Somehow I expect to see shit like this on Portlandia. I must say, though, I love weddings.

And if you think what you've just saw was pretty messed up, you should Google "General Butt-Naked"

Hat-tip: Grillman

Thoughts?

2012年1月22日 Dangerous ideas

Yeah, don't look up
cock-docking

Today I said something that not only shut off Fozzjnen's brain, he ran a red light because he was unable to concentrate on anything. I think it was because I said, "Hillary Clinton" and "tree". Somehow with pictographs it will make, "Country."

Or maybe it was when I brought up the vulgar phenomenon of cock-docking. Look it up on urban dictionary, but don't Google image that shit, because it's pretty bad.

2012年1月21日 Creepy dreams

I had a creepy dream where I was injured and had to call 911.

Somehow it all took place in some shady house like in Pulp Fiction, yet I haven't seen that film or been in shady places for at least 2 weeks.

I have no idea why this shit happens, but I guess I should to the radio less when I go to sleep.

I'm grateful it wasn't drug induced.

2012年1月20日 "Fuck" #004

Yes, your life sucks

When someone tells you, "Never pet a burning dog." You really shouldn't do it.

I stayed up all night, because I couldn't sleep due to my knee. As always I try to figure out the most difficult way to solve it, so that I can deal with life. It doesn't always work.

"I get off work around noon, then I'll duck out and force myself to get a decent night's rest!" I thought blissfully focusing on the concept of sleep, until I realized that I had class later today.

And I must attend that class.

Fuck...

So I have to stay until around 2 pm, getting home around 3:30 pm if I'm lucky. As for my knee, it's getting to the point where I can't go throughout the day without it demanding my attention at least 20-50 times a day, and that's an approximation! 

Fuck it.
At least I'm not Keanu Reeves.

2012年1月19日 Fun things

Fun thing 1

Precursor to the Mossad

Today I was invited over for this upcoming Passover, which solves my plans for that. I was initially depressed, because I couldn't figure out if I was going to be able to participate or not, since the shul I go to was going to charge people to enter the feast. But alas, I was invited, and now I'm a happy camper, still without a tent, but still happy.

Cookies will kill you

Fun thing 2

It should be no surprise that ninjas are awesome and will get you laid, assuming you're a ninja. If not, you may be seconds away from death. Now you can make yourself some Ninja action cookies. Everyone loves Ninjas, even Jews. In fact the reason the Mossad is called that is because "Ninjas" was already taken.

http://www.wanelo.com/home-and-office/NINJABREAD+MEN+COOKIE+CUTTERS-46568.html

Things that suck

I have to wake up at 4am tomorrow and it's 10pm now.

I need to do laundry at some point.

2012年1月18日 Wikipedia continued

Go buy  Drano®!

When we use the internet, we should think about the following:

"So when you want to talk about the consumer, let’s talk about you and me. We use this internet for communication. We’re not using it for commercial purposes. We’re not earning anything by going on that internet." - the late (i.e. no longer early), Ted Stevens

Today I tried going on Wikipedia this morning during the blackout, and I noticed it would redirect me, away from the page, blocking my information automatically. To get around this, my garbage-nerd-brain kicked into high gear. How do I get around annoying things on websites, especially when I still want to use them?

The answer: the Esc(ape) key

How to do it: press Esc as soon as your page loads before the blackout screen takes over, if you are too late, just refresh the page and try again. This works for a number of websites, especially those pesky porno sites that like to load pop-ups and massive amounts of porno popping up everywhere. But I digress.

Use it to download porn!

After solving this, I realized Wikipedia has just turned into horseshit, as I could still read things in English without having to worry about waiting 24 hours until the blackout was lifted. 

Hell, even Craigslist is on the bandwagon of the blackout, however since I could remember the URL or could look it up for sections that are useful to me (casual encounters), I decided to give it a shot. Viola~ http://portland.craigslist.org/sss/ And it works, even though the shitty homepage is somewhat blocked.

It never ceases to amaze me how simple it is to get around things or how to annoy people. One does not have to try very hard, and it's especially easier with Ted Stevens, er, rather the recorded voice of the still late Ted Stevens.

If you've seen it already, watch it again.

2012年1月17日 Wikipedia blacksout

According the Huffington post, and myriad of other news agencies:

"[...]Wikipedia will black out its English-language pages for a 24-hour period beginning Wednesday morning[.]"

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/17/students-wikipedia-sopa-blackout_n_1210881.html

So much for looking up the meaning of donkey punch.

2012年1月16日 Friends!

Sometimes I read religious things on the internet. With the exception of religiously viewing porn, my favorite website for the most part is the Shearim blog, which covers "Chassidut, Talmud, Torah, Kabbalah, and News from Israel"

Below is a link to a post from that blog. The central theme of the post is social difficulties, which could more or less be repugnant depending on which end of the stick you're on. Are you on the side where making friends is hard? Or are you on the said where you have no limitations (moral, ethical, principle, etc)? Either way, any form of isolation sucks and is miserable.

Can a Jew have Gentile friends ?

While the information mainly deals with Jews, the advice could or does apply to politics, ethics, and so forth.

Thoughts?

2012年1月15日 Little bit of Jew stuff, little bit of "other stuff"

Sometimes I wonder if there is a difference between my vulgar human. At shul someone asked if I was alright being there since I wasn't a Jew, I said, "No. Why?" The guy responded with a joke about how Jews are people suffering or actively holding neurosis. It also reminded me why I like going to that shul.

It reminds me of a joke I read about self-hating humor,

Question: How can you always spot a convert to Judaism?
Answer: That's easy. He's the only normal one in the congregation

However, when I leave shul, and The Filter comes off, I end up emulating, although not very well, one of my favorite Jewish comics,  Gilbert Gottfried.

So there I was today in the car talking to Fozzjnen about, God, politics, religion, reward, and punishment. Somehow I started talking about children. I said,

"So Fozz, if you have a kid, and he walks into the kitchen, looks you in the eye, whips out his donker and starts pissing all over the place you are doing to do anything?"

Fozzjnen's face opened with an awkward half-smile half-confusion.

"Uhh, yeah I said, 'donker.' I was going to say 'dong' but I thought that'd be disrespectful to Chinese men, since a little boy probably has a dong the size of a full grown China man.

No. I don't think my argument losses legitimacy since I can't prove it."

Humor makes a lot of things easier.

2012年1月14日 Again and again

Yeah, not these Elder Ones

Congregating with others is enjoyable.
It's even better with humor.

I'm realizing that most of the people I enjoy hanging out with regularly are significantly older than me, or rather those who can tolerate being around me for more than 3 hours are usually older than me significantly. Of course there are some exceptions, although at this point I don't think any exist. I feel like a recorder player.

Records go on, spin, restart, I play them again. New records go on them, but the machine is the same. New and old records, sometimes played over and over, again and again. New faces and places. Some I want to remember, and some I don't, although ideally I'd prefer not to forget. Seeing people, interacting, always promising and always rewarding.

Sometimes the reward isn't for me, sometimes my reward is a punishment. I don't mind though. I still think about my audience of friends though. I enjoy them, very much. Though, I am noticing a shift in the audience as my friends come and go, busy with their lives and other priorities. More and more I find myself around the elder ones, thankfully they're not of the Lovecraft persuasion. 

Sometimes, things just
go right back to the beginning

I'm not bothered by that, - I don't mean the Lovecraft part, - outside of being unable to bring most of the rewarding encounters into my professional life and life as a student (for now). In a sense there is a degree of distance between how I feel and how I am able to communicate with those around my age or younger. It is frustrating, that's for sure.

I do realize though, that most people spend most of their time at work or sleeping, so really dating or making friends with someone outside of work or school is a real challenge, but in some cases it is rewarding. But there are always more and more exceptions though...

Ever experience instances where you relate better to X audience versus Y?

Are most of your friends close to your age or older?

Do you hang out with them often? In a group or?

How many hours a week?

2012年1月13日 "'Close' only counts

with horseshoes and hand-grenades."

Fast enough?

There have been times in my life where I wake up one day after another, and it moves too fucking fast. Days begin to merge. Patterns develop to the point where I more or less distinguish days by how I felt and what the horizon looked like when I first stepped outside. 

Upon reflection everything feels like warp-speed, - not so much Godspeed, as that's for God, - yet it all feels like time is just a smashed mess. It's kind of like when someone steps on a packet of ketchup or the removed genitalia of a recently made eunuch.

So when I think about whether or not I'm close to my goals in life, objectives or anything else, sometimes I can't see a difference between day one, day two, and day 100. It seems like as soon as one thing completes something else comes in, and takes my attention, and the process repeats. Things blur. Are we blurred too?

Of course there are exceptions, such as things that will only end when I die, and by then I'm probably going to reflect on why death hadn't happened earlier.

2012年1月12日 Colder

It's getting colder outside and quickly, it's killing my knee faster than the government is with our civil liberties. I honestly can't see a difference between the two at times, since the quality of life goes down either way.

2012年1月11日 Free stuff again

This time I heard some cool shit, "Sit in the class, I don't mind." Awesome. Hella awesome, then I realized sitting in that class is literally like taking 6 straight solid hours of a single language at once.

When I looked at my schedule, weighing the pros and cons (more class for free more or less, vs more opportunities for work), I just stared at the wall. I thought about those little things in life.

Like women's legs or small wrists.

Or when I read about the woman with "two vaginas".

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2085255/Hazel-Jones-I-lost-virginity-twice-reveals-woman-27--I-TWO-vaginas.html

2012年1月10日 Body language bullshit

Uhh what?

The above image is an example of body language. 

Can you tell what is going on?

Sometimes I wonder what my face looks like when someone sees it while my knee happens to be bothering me. It's no surprise that limping around in pain is not something you do while smiling, unless you're an asshole. Or bored, but that's the only other exception. But there are also times where I see someone eye-balling me while I'm in pain or limping, so I smile at them. Even though prior to smiling I'm frowning from my joint pain (insert pot reference here).

This image doesn't explain
how someone is a douche bag!

For a long time I usually got weird stares return, but then it occurred to me that some people probably don't know why I'm frowning in pain. I would not be surprised if they ended up more confused than bothered by my frowning or awkward smiling. There is no way to explain the complexity of my feelings and the reasoning behind it with facial features only. 

When people talk about body language saying, "70 percent of communication, blah blah, is strictly body language." they're probably a douche-bag designed for the consumption of wildebeests' cunt and/or butt hole.

2012年1月9日 Dangerous hypotheticals

If given a choice which would
you pick to engage in sex?
The alternative is death from exhaustion
via anal sex performed by Ryan Seacrest,
w/o lube.

This website has a disclaimer, it says you might see adult content. It's not lying by any means, and in actuality it should say, "The dialogue expressed here (at times) is so filthy you will not eat ice-cream or lasagna ever again." With that said, the commentary below is vulgar, questionable, and disgusting. No surprise that this blog is in reference to those things, but in this case the content in this post should just be considered a dangerous hypothetical.

My friends, no I don't mean you in that sense, but my friends have some interesting viewpoints. It should be no surprise that Fozzjnen is "democratically" minded in the social liberal sense (as he's an immigrant), and that some of my other friends are pre-cold war conservatives, cold war conservatives, and libertarians; however, most of them have something in common. That is if given a choice they rather have sexual intercourse with Hillary Clinton versus Michelle Obama. It doesn't matter how this hypothetical question came into existence, but it's here and it's not going away anytime soon.

Of course not being exempt from my own queries I was asked, 

"You would do a black chick?" 

After I had expressed my discomfort with Clinton in general and her behavior. Not only did I hear that from a liberal minded person, but I also heard the following from another person in another section of a political mindedness.

"Clinton." 

The other guy said. So I asked if he was serious, and he replay back with, 

"Still, I think shes [sic] better than obummer."

Wait, what the fuck? My only retort against that, is the sexual stereotype of black women. The stereotype I grew up with, is that black women are insane sexual predators, which express similar sexual social, emotional, and intellectual traits as the bonobos when bonobos express their sexual traits. Do I believe this? No, but for the sake of hypothetical arguments, why not?

And so it begins.

Get to know this face

For one, I look at Hillary Clinton as if she is Emperor Palpatine incarnate. Both of them cackle, both probably have wrinkly - oh yes, you're reading this correctly - flaccid penises, ball-sacks and/or vaginas that look like worn leather coin-purses left outside during monsoon season, and one of them is actually real!

It's true damnit!

You might think I'm over exaggerating, but think about it. Actually, let me phrase what I said after hearing "better than obummer",

"Yeah but which would give a better ride? You might become a monk after [doing] it [with Clinton]. Whereas I'd probably end up a pimp [after doing M. Obama.] lol"

"[I] [p]uke just thinking about it..."

Faces of evil

I'd puke too if someone was imagining me doing it with Michelle Obama, after they had sex with Emperor Clinton-Palpatine.

But, I'm serious about the monk comment. Why else would Bill Clinton have cheated on his wife? I'm sure Bill has cheated several times too, otherwise he'd be in a monastery. Maybe it's because he might have a small penis, or Hillary has one. I'm not sure. But small penis rule (SFW, wiki url) should work in this case.

Now, given a choice between Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton, I'd have to go with Michelle Obama. Not because I'd do black chicks, but because Clinton scares the hell out of me with cackling and her facial expressions. I shit you not, I expect Clinton to shoot lightning bolts from her fingers and cackle while doing it.

Now I'm sure by now many of you are already choking on whatever food, probably lasagna, that you just ate. Surprisingly you'd find a better deal at the Olive Garden than inside of Clinton, which probably has smegma left over from 1843. I don't mean Olive Garden, at non-participating locations. Surprisingly both (Clinton's vag-penis and Olive Garden food) probably smell and look like 4 day old lasagna. Thankfully I don't have worry about any of that since I keep kosher.

Michelle's true form, without
the Ph.D or intelligence of this man.

Wait, did Michelle Obama have a turn?
Don't think she's exempt! 

As far as I'm concerned with Michelle Obama, I'm afraid that if anyone was to have sex with her, just like Vader's helmet and mask, once these emotional/physical equivalents shed from her, it's going to be pretty damn scary. I'm sure her viewpoints wouldn't be anything near or close to Cornel West's, but I wouldn't be surprised if the little girl deep down inside of Michelle Obama looked like him. That in itself is a hard question to answer. On one hand you could have sex with Emperor (Hillary) Palpatine, or Cornel West without the intelligence.

Both options suck, but if given a choice between the two or getting drilled to death by Ryan Seacrest, I'd choose Michelle Obama. Why? Simply because dealing with creepy, cackling, orgasmic, maniacal laughter from Hillary Clinton would force me to kill myself. 

And we know suicide is never okay.

Edit, just a quick update from a friend on this issue,

"[I] [a]lmost want to buy four loko...
[To get drunk so I forget this question ever existed]"

2012年1月8日 It's not what you do, it's what you say

Things are not
what they seem.

When I read videos named "The 24 Year Old FEMALE Virgin II" on efukt.com I'm usually nodding my head thinking like Denzel Washington on Training Day, "Ahlraight Ohkay!" 

But even while it's not safe for work (i.e. pornographic), the dialog around the 3:40 mark confused and shocked the hell outta me! I swear, when I took the vow of kosher eating and dining within my life I said I would pay attention, but now I'm wondering about diary and meat in ways that were never intended.

2012年1月7日 Free book

While it's not repugnant, it is fucking awesome!

"Gun stuff is so sweet"

So shabbat concluded and behold in my email, I got the following message:

Hey Eric,

I just did the [omitted] draw from you guys that were the top commenters from the last few months, and you won!

Let me know your address and ill forward it to the publishing company who will mail it out to you after the 17th.

Have a great weekend,

-Mike

[of omitted] 

So when the book comes in I'll tell you guys more about it.

Better hold me to this shit, since it's a gun book! :D

Anyone ever seriously win free stuff over the internet? I don't mean coupons.

2012年1月6日 Loitering mind

Sometimes I wonder why my mind loiters.

I wonder why it doesn't get anything of merit accomplished and I wonder why I'm catching myself thinking of these things. Somehow it reminded me of a character drill from early days in the Cub Scouts. 

Clearly my job here is finished!

In this character drill we were issued, without our knowledge, what people thought about us on a card. While the den mother (or troop leader) of our group gave her son the sheriff ranking (i.e. has leadership skills), which was one I was envious for, I ended up with Medicine Man (community man or something).

At first I was miserable since I had no idea what it meant, of course I was only 7 years old at the time. Later in life, I realize that within the community I sometimes am apart in my own world. However I am still part of and I have a role in a community was well, be it religious, spiritual, or as an entertainer. But I know with such a task, after my work is done I will retire to my own special shaman's tent and the mundane tasks will be left to everyone else.

I think I'm right in regards to myself, I know I don't have expert skills in interacting with people on a mundane level (i.e. earthly), but I do have other skills that sets me apart. For one I have never been good at communicating with people regarding small or trivial talk, but I've been good at other tasks which are more complicated and yet seem more natural to me.

Solution? Find a community that allows me to use these skills.

2012年1月5日 Pain again

What I normally do when pain isn't an issue.

My knee has brought back pain and emotional misery. I'm trying to avoid feeling miserable, but it's annoying when I cannot focus on anything other than the pain. I've heard the suggestions, or bullshit, about working through pain by trying to think the pain away. So far it doesn't work for me.

But if it's true and it works, then I suppose people in the process if being disemboweled could think their pain away. Or rather, would parents who spank their children say the following before applying force? "Don't worry, you can think the pain away!" 

Outside of that, I heard from someone earlier today that I might have a "Jewish soul". 

That's probably the highlight of my year so far.

2012年1月2日 For the future

Obviously the GI JOES aren't
taking this well...

My old toys, comics, cards, games, and the like were things I thought I'd never get rid of ever, until I realized I had certain life goals that are more important.

What does it mean to give something up?

What does it mean when we say to someone, and toward ourselves, that something matters?

None of those things which I'm getting rid of will help me with my life now. They don't make any of my relationships with anyone better, or improve how I deal with myself in private. 

However I must at admit, I will miss the knowledge that those things gave me. I might miss the imagination of play, and I will miss not having the time to look over my old comics with the knowledge I have now. Yet I know I can do other things with them (i.e. turn them into money). Daily life and reflection remind me that none of those things in my possession make me better at caring.

It reminds me of this somehow:

2012年1月1日 Shower thoughts 003: "Don't fuck with me now. I am Ahab! ALRIGHT YOU WEIRD FUCKER, BACK IN THE TUB!"

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (6/10) Movie CLIP - White Rabbit

I think I woke up in the shower. 

No. It was the bathtub. 

It didn't even occur to me that I missed a business meeting until I walked over to the computer, but that was about an hour after I got out of the tub. But by then, American companies' commercialization of Christmas was still dominant even though it was technically the new year. I ignored the cable TV and went back to my shower thoughts.

Somehow I feel like this is a
realistic representation.

It wasn't the first time I had friends follow me into the bathroom or interrupt my bathtub/shower experience, yet this time I wasn't going to debate whether the imagination of friends or the physical presence of them was an issue. 

Was the can of Four Loko? No, it wasn't "the can". However, cans could be up for debate. And for $4.18 to get buzzed on a Malt Liquor-Kool-Aid variant I didn't mind too much. 

Buzzing out, my mind yelped at me, "Sh'ma Israel, Adonai Elo'heinu, Adonai Ehad." I continued without the V'ahavta. For some reason I thought of Rinzler's theme via Tron: Legacy OST. Somehow it ended up translating to The Game Has Changed.

When was the last? When was the last time you reflected on everything? Without sex? Without the physical? Without the senses? When was the last time you used your humanity to dictate what morality means? I thought about how words like "Good" and "Bad" to a dog are no different than "obedient" and "disobedient". I knew already that humans had the capacity, although not naturally, to identify the "good" through an intellectual and/or soul-full assessment that transcended the limitations of biology. Was it the beer talking again or was it whatever was left over from shul yesterday?

Then I got out of the tub, dried myself. Walked to the kitchen, got a coffee cup, putting whatever was left of my nasty-pig-smegma-tasting - only speculation - malt-liquor into a coffee cup, and ventured towards the computer. I ended up spacing out and jamming to trance, jazz, heavy metal or whatever the random playlist would produce.

It had been awhile, that was for sure. 

I know I had experienced what I thought was a lot over the past 4 years, but was it really enough? Of course like most things in life, while I had I short answer, which is neither correct nor incorrect, still I knew an answer to that.

As the music progressed I remembered whatever courage it took to deal with me, be it myself or another. To come full circle. Or as close as one could get, given set parameters.

I would say it didn't matter, but realistically it only mattered as much as one, or others, would dictate how it mattered. By this point I think my hair had already dried.

2011年12月31日 Celebrating the New Year

without booze or any objective in mind 

is kind of tedious.

Wait. 

That was until I found a perfect way to celebrate the new year, which is by looking forward to Mayan bullshit on a date that may or may not be near or on my birthday.

At least I have tomorrow and this song to sing along with until the new year begins and ends.

Happy New Year!