2011年12月30日 Craziness continues

Heeeey, trade yer PS3
for mah beer?

As I mentioned before I'm trying to sell a few things to pay for medical bills, among other things. And once again crazy emails come my way, as I'm using Craigslist to sell my PS3. Here is an actual email I got:

"Hi I saw your ps3 for sale, would you be interested in trading for liquor? It's a little strange offer but I have a surplus of russianvodka, and I would give you 2 cases of it (12 bottles a case) that's about 400$ value. Msrp to olcc is about 20$ per bottle. Like I said I have a surplus, I do wholesale sales" [sic]

Wow, just a little strange?
How about FUCKING AWESOME!!

However, I didn't get a follow up reply after I emailed this guy back. 

I'm sure he's busy, doing stuff...

2011年12月29日 Only in America

For sometime I've been thinking about donating bone marrow. Maybe longer than sometime, maybe over a year or two. I've done basic research about it and talked with my friends on the issue, or at least those who give a damn about donating bone marrow, etc. 

When I first heard about it, Fozzjnen told me about his homeland and the donating procedure there. Over there it is more or less paid by the government/insurance-companies, which is kind of awesome and redundant since insurance companies seem like they are already part of the government. Cool, I'll just check my own country, local hospitals, and online. 

After checking online, going to a hospital with a friend, and talking with Fozzjnen, I found out that I would have to pay 100 dollars to get an a bone marrow registry, and that I might have to pay out of my own pocket to even donate bone marrow. 

Isn't this guy a Muslim?

Wait, what the fuck? There isn't a loop hole around this issue. Actually the only loop hole, isn't a loop hole, more or less it would require whoever wants bone marrow to pay for my expenses/recovery (6 months or so).

Yet, as my health (knee, among other things) continues to have problems, I become less inclined to follow through with it. Of course while it might not be a healthy choice for me to donate, I'm sure bone marrow would help someone.

I guess what irritates me the most is that only in America would they charge you to voluntarily donate a part of yourself to help or save another person's life. And people bitch about the Jews... 

Yes, only in America would you be charged for charity. Sure, doctors need to get paid, but if they're only getting paid for saving lives, how is that different than EMTs or firefighters? Personally I look at doctors like car mechanics, of course this is from my patient prospective. 

I don't blame doctors for that or the road blocks I find as I try to donate bone marrow, at least not yet. That's okay, eventually doctors be working for free.

Thanks Obama.

Oh yeah, 

I know you're busy Mr. President, but if you could get the Patriot Act and remove it, like you said you would, that'd be grrr-reat. K-thx-bye!

2011年12月27日 Random chat?

So I'm checkin' my email and I get this invite from some stranger to chat, which is rare with gmail.

Whoever ads you to chat on gmail chat, must obviously know you, one way or another, right?

Well I guess not, so I clicked "Yes" for okay to chat.

And this is what happened:

8:24 PM 

ladylillie3: heya!

me: Hi

ladylillie3: hey whats up? 22/F here. you?

me: Can you ID yourself 

8:25 PM 

Fucking bots

ladylillie3: hmm. have we chatted before?

me: I need more details.

ladylillie3: oh ok. i wasnt sure. anyways.. whats up?

me: I repeat, can you ID yourself?

ladylillie3: im like so boreddd.... there is nothing to do 

8:26 PM 

ohhh wait! i got a great idea. have you ever watched a sexy girl like me strip live on a cam before?

me: You're a bot.

ladylillie3: A bot? not hardly babe. Are you?

me: Yes.

At that point I clicked "block". 

Either she's not a bot, or extremely desperate for money.

On the upside, Efukt put up "The Trolling Of Wannabe Pornstars II" video. Usually it's depressing. Sometimes it's funny, but in the sense that when you wonder why full blown alien contact in our society hasn't been made with humans yet, you remember watching that video and you go, "Oh yeah..."

2011年12月26日 Eddie Murphy

If you don't know Eddie Murphy, know that he has one of the most messed up, yet entertainning, laugh in Hollywood. At present he makes family oriented films, and nothing too disgusting, but what isn't talking about is when he first started he would brag about saying things like "fuck" almost religiously on stage. This was waaay before comedians today who say, "Nigger this, nigger that." And everyone laughs. 

Personally, I like Eddie Murphy because he never seemed like other comedians who always brought the "white man is keeping us down" attitude. Anyway, from his adventures with scary looking toes, to a parody of Mister Roger's Neighborhood, Eddie Murphy will live on so long as people know how to use his humor to terrorize people.

The laugh:

Scary toes:

Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood:

Terrorizing people in chat rooms with Eddie Murphy singing:

The internet is so awesome!

2011年12月25日 Family holidays

Maybe it's fiction?

A guy in my family has a really good looking wife. She's young, pretty hot, and although she's given birth (how many times, I won't say) I think she's do-able. She's also relatively nice and not rude.

I still can't make
this shit up

But the guy doesn't care, and he doesn't feel she be with him since he's an "asshole" - his own words. She deserves better is what he'd say. In fact, he's making efforts to push her out of his life. Right now they don't even live with each other, and I'm sure it bothers the woman a lot, as she probably feels the man needs to be in the life of their child 24/7 or damn near it. I'm sure it would be easier if they didn't share spawn. But alas that is not an option at this point.

I guess the worst part about it is that he seems like he just wants to go out and have "fun", and she feels like he needs to be responsible to spawn of their loins. Can't force responsibility, but what's worse, to me at least, is that she still loves him, a lot. 

There is no way to force her that he won't be with her anymore. He might not be ready, and he might not be ready to have a life with her in a family way. That's fine. This happens with young people, but what needs to be acknowledged, is that him going out and doing things almost forces her to miss out on the things that he does. It's unlikely he's going to spend time with a child while his wife, or ex, or soon to be ex-wife goes out and parties it up with Mr. Gorilla dick, while he's at home wiping off shit from the cunt or ball sack of his daughter or son. This is why men defer the responsibility of raising children to women. Women can only get pregnant for roughly 9 months and have one at a time, but men can go out and mate the whole time during those 9 months. So obviously monogamy wasn't totally intended, but it does help (which is another issue for another time).

I wonder what is the best thing to do in situations like this, as it's clear he may still care but might not be ready emotionally or intellectually to deal with his wife and offspring. How they would have dealt with their problems if they had no children, I do not know. Would it have been easier? And if the child matters that much, why not give up for adoption or foster care?... Lest the child suffer more than it needs to?

No one has the answer in this situation, 

and it's obviously too late for an abortion for the man, woman, and child.

I'm personally against abortion unless it threaten's the life of the mother.
I believe using language like "rights" of the mother already are subject to biased opinion already, so I won't even get into that. But I will say, unless it's rape or incest, most people KNEW they were going to have sex. And it's their responsibility to make sure they know they're doing the right thing and accept responsibility for it.

But what the fuck do I know?

2011年12月24日 Enjoyably Quiet

Outside of shul, the rest of the day was spent alone.

And maybe beer, maybe porn, and maybe Tron: Legacy OST.

2011年12月23日 Russia Today's way of showing "season's greetings"

Via Russia Today
Or watch the video below!

US war woe: Suicide kills more soldiers than combat:

When guns fall silent and ceasefires are agreed, wars live on in the minds of the men and women who fought them. And a killer still stalks them, more deadly than the enemies they once faced. 

Being in a conflict environment is killing US soldiers. But surprisingly, the biggest killers are not enemy combatants.

For the second year in row, more US soldiers killed themselves than were killed in combat. In 2010, 468 soldiers took their own lives, compared to 462 killed in fighting.
And even off the battlefield, suicide rates continue to soar. 

Matthis Chiroux is an Afghanistan war veteran turned anti-war activist. 

“I unfortunately inhabit the demographic in the United States that kills itself, pretty much more than any other out there,” he told RT. “We come home feeling terrible, despicable about what we did and what we saw.” 

Chiroux is one of thousands returning from deployment feeling detached and conflicted. 

“The laws of decency don't apply to soldiers in combat and when you go back to having to apply those laws to yourself all the time that, for many, leads either to the grave or to jail,” he explains. 

An average of 18 veterans per day commit suicide and many more attempt it. Last year, 20 per cent of America’s 30,000 suicides was a soldier or veteran. 

Dr. Jan Kemp, a director of the National Mental Health Program, says many soldiers come back feeling disconnected from the world in which they once lived. 

“It kind of accumulates in disaster. You really start to wonder if you're ever going to be who you were again,” she explained to RT. “Then all of a sudden, they're back. Things happened in their families while they were gone. The situation they come back to is often not the same as when they left.” 

In fact, many come back to bleak situations.
A quarter of the homeless in America are military veterans. The unemployment rate among vets hovers above 12 per cent. 

Meanwhile, campaigns such as “Army Strong” glorify life as a soldier, and aim to entice America’s young men and women to enlist. 

Since retiring from the army, Matthis Chiroux has been committed to showing students the other side of the army experience – the side recruiters fail to mention. 

“The unfortunate thing is [what they show] is not the military experience. It’s an advertisement,” he explains to a group of young people who have come to listen to his talk. 

It’s all part of the “We are not your soldiers” lecture tour. His message is clear. – “Don't become one of us!” 

It is a message he hopes will prevent more students and young people from becoming another grim statistic.

 ***
That shit kind of sucks doesn't it?
Maybe if our soldiers had access to some buttery muthafuckin' waffles... Just maybe.



Thoughts anyone?
Before I forget, "Happy Hanukkah you jive-ass punks!"

2011年12月21日 Certain days of the year

Oh man, fuck Christmas...
This is what I'm talking about

On certain days of the year, when there is no one around, or nothing to do but waste money on bullshit that's made in China or Indonesia, I wonder about life and its meaning. No it's not because this is the 200th post. But I do I wonder, and I often catch myself thinking about why I'm brooding over my own isolation. This issue is temporarily resolved by a cold glass or bottle filled with refreshment, which brings me to my next point.

Drinking is awesome. There are so many different types of beer that one should dedicate a whole day trying to figure out what beers are good and what beers are bad based on one's own existing knowledge. Of course you can't do it if you have no knowledge, and if that's the case, then one should just go out without knowledge to get knowledge. 

In fact, to save money a person shouldn't even try types of beers they've had the past to avoid wasting money on beer that sucks. Given the amount of time (money) it takes to figure this out, it sure does help when someone says, "Use this for beer." 

Hey, I should do that. I should go out and...

I heard next year on this same day, things (wiki) are supposed to be a little more interesting.

2011年12月20日 They kill people

I've heard that violent video games and music lyrics encourage the mind to kill people. If that's true then WWE encourages kids to hit their future spouses with folding chairs and end up on Cops in the year 2024.

With that said, I don't believe any of that shit until I saw this:

Click to enlarge! :D

I rest my case.

2011年12月19日 Religion

I heard a joke the other day:

A priest calls a rabbi and tells him, "Hey Rabbi I need to know if you can come down to the church today, I need help. Can you get right over?"

"Sure." the rabbi says, since he's known the priest for awhile.

Rabbi arrives at the church and the priest tells him, "Listen, I'm late for meeting, but I've still got about an hour or so worth left of confession today, could you cover me? Look, it's not hard."

Basically what happens
in real life anyhow.

So the priest and the rabbi sit in the confession both.

A man comes in "Father, I've sinned."

"What is your sin, my son?" The priest says.

"I've committed adultery."

"How many times?"

"Three times."

"Say 5 hail Mary five times and donate 10 dollars to charity."

The man leaves.

A woman comes into the confession booth.

"Father, I've sinned."

"When was your last confession?"

"3 months ago."

"What is your sin?"

"I've committed adultery."

"How many times?"

"Three times."

"Say 5 hail Mary five times and donate 10 dollars to charity."

The woman leaves.

The priest looks over to the rabbi and says, "Do you get it? It's not that hard."

The rabbi looks back at the priest and says, "Don't worry, I think I got the hang of this."

The priest leaves.

The rabbi alone in the confessional booth, he sees a woman come in.

"Father forgive me for I have sinned."

"When was your last confession?" The rabbi asks.

"6 months ago."

"What is your sin?"

"I committed adultery."

"How many times?"

"Two times."

"What? Only two times?

We've got a special today! Three for 10 dollars, come back after your third offense!"

2011年12月18日 Consistency

People watching TV used to say Mubarak was a bad person and needed to be removed. They used to say the protests were a good thing. In fact, over time without the support of the military which did nothing (too dramatic), the protesters would not have seemingly overthrown Mubarak. 

So with Mubarak gone, why does this happen?

I used to think people saying "This guy is an asshole!" just because the Daily-Show or some other program told them to believe it, including Fox News viewers as well, were just uneducated. Now I think they're insane. Nothing really changes in life. Actually things do change, but they will get worse if they are without a huge justifiable actions that might include a sacrifice.

It would help people who supported the protesters originally to at least continue supporting them, instead of giving up because the military is now cracking down. Consistency anyone?

2011年12月17日 Finding stuff in books

I don't own either of these, but on a little strip of paper I found the following in a book about thoughts on conducting oneself in the Way of the samurai.

From that piece of paper:

Love Looks Beyond

You look at me and see my flaws;
I look at you and see flaws, too.
Those who love, know love deserves
a second glance; each failure serves
another chance.

Love looks to see,
beyond the scars and flaws, the cause;
and scars become and honorable badge
of battles fought and won - or lost -
but fought! The product, not the cost,
is what love sought.

God help us see beyond the now
to the before,
and note with tenderness
what lies between
-and love the more!

The only thing left to do
when The Fail has reached its
zenith!

And the passage next to the place-holding-strip-of-paper in the book was the following:

In the judgment of elders, a samurai's obstinacy should be excessive. A thing done with moderation may later be judged to be insufficient. I have heard that when one thinks he has gone too far, he will not have erred. This sort of rule should not be forgotten.

 Such is the advice of Hagakure.

2011年12月16日 King S.U.C. to K.I.T

If you can't see it, view it here

Somtimes playing against the computer is either really hard or really easy.

I don't think I've ever had a computer react this way though...

2011年12月15日 Curve balls

This is how I hold my testicles.

Curve balls are things in life you are not always prepared for dealing with, for some people it's forgiveness, as it may not come naturally to some people as anger and contempt. In my case, I have a hard time letting go of things, almost to the point, where my emotional and intellectual grip chokes either myself or another person.

This is part of life, and it's not without pain. At this point, you're probably nodding your head in agreement with a "No shit." smirk or frown on your face.

In my life, as I said, I have a hard time letting go of things. Usually when I do let go, it's only to grab on to those who are there when I let go. Pretty difficult to deal with alone, and I couldn't help but laugh when I realized the meaning of the words to a prayer I did earlier in the day and its relevance to this situation I am reflecting on.

Most curve balls aren't thrown by us, but every once in awhile we throw one at ourselves, and we don't know what we should do other than letting go.

2011年12月14日 Sick jokes

Future career options

I sometimes post repugnant things on here. By sometimes, I mean depending on how you feel about horses and wo.... Well anyhow, today I heard what I would consider a sick joke.

At some point during a conversation today with my/a rabbi, he made commentary that I could be a rabbi myself! I thought he was joking, and then he mentioned something about a convert whom he knows who is now an orthodox rabbi. At that point I realized this wasn't a joke, but rather some kind of facetious commentary whose level of sincerity wasn't gauge-able.

If I were a rabbi, - see that, that's a big "if," - I can only imagine all the Nin-Jew jokes (忍犹太者, or if it's boxes, "Those who endure the Jewish" according to Chinese to English). I'm sure all my friends from college or whatnot will never let me hear the end of it.

Although I've already had three people who aren't Jewish assume that I would become a rabbi nonetheless,  either in jest they said this or with total conviction at the possibility, I was a little surprised that the rabbi suggested this also as career goal for me. I'm sure it doesn't help I like bladed objects too (see בְּרִית מִילָה‎).

2011年12月13日 Elephants and Smiths

I heard something that sounded like the Smiths, 

Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before...

I was wondering why the hell I was there. Maybe I was passing time. It happens whenever I'm irritated with the quality of life or rather, with the quality of the atmosphere I happen to exist in. Some people would include a whole country with that assessment, I happen to just mean the state level at present. Would it have gone anyway if that were different? I doubt it.

I still heard the lyrics. 

"Yep, that's the Smiths." 

I thought. Of course I knew the lyrics were the Smiths, but I couldn't ID the cover band. It didn't matter. I sat there for about an hour or so. My company whom on short notice I invited, neither messaged me back nor showed up. Neither of which bothered me more than my isolation and self-alienation-ation-ation-ation. 

It does feel that way though. 

Sitting there alone, wondering why the sun is in my eyes, cutting across the sky faster than I can negotiate the quality of life.

Some company came in, not mine, but I recognized them anyhow. I felt bad that our conversation got messy, or rather, my contrarian nature alienated them. They weren't ready to battle me, and by battle me, I mean battle their own feelings. I don't want people to fight their own character or feelings, but rather if they disagree, I want them to at least explain why they want their feelings to dictate government policy (state or otherwise). Most people cannot do it, and in a sense I feel bad for them. I've always been bothered by people who say, "You don't need this." or "You don't need that." Especially whenever it's in regards to something they don't have or want in their own life. I've always felt that most people just want to control other people indirectly so that they can life an isolated and safe life. Yet, I don't think they will get what they want without a sufficient amount of sedative medications. For everyone.

I walked out, and away.

The feeling of that song followed me didn't it?

I think it did.

I guess that's why I have a Rockstar?

Probably.

***

I walked into a place that reminded be of student-operated bars in Japan.

A guy darker than a cloudy night explained to me:

Elephants are strange, very strange. At night, it was around 6pm. It was very dark. Very dark. A girl in another village, visiting someone, was walking home alone. It was far away from her home. There was an elephant. An elephant coming through forest onto the road. It was in the dark. They do not see well, and they are very absent minded.

I thought about my sister.

The elephant walks without thinking. This elephant and this girl walking on the same road. She has baby [sic], okay? She is around 18.

Although I think I heard him say 16. 

"WTF" is the appropriate response, but my face didn't change because I continued to assume he was talking about Kenya and not certain parts of Wyoming.

They approach a corner like this.

He pointed along the edge of a cardboard coaster. 

They meet around here and ZFFFFFT! They ran away. The elephant this way and the girl the other way back to the village.

***

Dude, not even your mustache
will save you.

I walked out about 20 minutes later wondering what the fuck was going on.

Elephants. I felt like the great white one in that room. There wasn't anymore music. It didn't matter.

I wasn't sure what else to say about that guy's story, among the several he explained to me.

We had shook hands and I gave him my gloves, as he had none.

I thought it was funny that he should have brought up elephants. 

It was two-fifty to see them today. I know this since I had seen them earlier.

I walked away and reflected on why I secretly have a love-hate relationship with ear-bud headphones, mainly because I had urinated one them once when they feel into the urinal.

Hum-di-dum, I heard lyrics again.

This time more ethereal than when I was sitting down.

I was delayed, I was way-laid

An emergency stop

I smelt the last ten seconds of life

I crashed down on the crossbar

And the pain was enough to make

A shy, bald, Buddhist reflect

And plan a mass murder

Who said I'd lied to her ?

When I closed the bathroom door I was so grateful that I had something to do the next day. Not because there was something to be done, but because I had something that I alone had to do, and this wasn't a job or an experience I could pass along to someone else.

2011年12月12日 Stars

Use them to wish for stuff!

Asking tips from Flip is probably the best thing you can do!

I use stars for other things too, like having a reason not to look around at the shitty overgrowth in my neighbor's yard or white people.

2011年12月11日 Zoo-lights

What does NSFW mean anyway?

Well, it means "Not Safe For Work." 

What if I'm at home or getting coffee, is it okay then?

That depends. 

Are you offended when there is a link to something that says NSFW and after clicking it you clearly realize it was a mistake to look at people having sex with animals?

If yes, then don't click on links that say NSFW.

So a question was raised today:

You're dating a chick (or dude) within the same company as yourself, she seems really cool and independent, and it seems like she's going to be working directly under the CFO probably within 5 more years. Yet you find some troubling information about her after dating for 10 months: she fucked a horse.

Now ask yourself this question, if everything up until that point was great and without a problem, would you let her horse fucking history terminate the relationship? If she said, "I can't remember why I did it, but I did it..." and there may be a possibility of drug use during that time, would you think rethink your stance?

Or how about this: she fucked a dog. Or worse, she fucked a goat, and the goat clearly left bite marks on her lower back. You didn't think much of those little scars at first, but it's clear that those little scars are actually bite marks from some kind of farm animal. So which would be worse? A goat looking you in the eye and giving the shaft or the horse and/or dog?

Now, you might be saying "This is unrealistic." or "Yeah... That doesn't happen."

Actually it can [link, wiki]:

The Enumclaw horse sex case was a 2005 incident in which Kenneth Pinyan (June 22, 1960 – July 2, 2005), an American Boeing engineer residing in Gig Harbor, died from receiving anal sex with a stallion at a farm in an unincorporated area in King County, Washington, near the city of Enumclaw.

An engineer for Boeing.

I'm sure you're thinking, well that's just a rare case.
I'm sure it is, but if it can happen once it will happen again.

The bottom line is that it did and continues to happen [link NSFW].

It can kill you

I'm not saying any of this is okay, in fact it's not. How this conversation got started, I can't even remember. I think it had something to do with animals licking themselves. Like if a dog licks it asshole, fully erect cock and other dogs' assholes, why is it okay for them to lick you on the face or lips? Or rather, a chick sucks your dick, almost like polishing chrome, and then makes out with you. Now if she doesn't wash out her mouth, wouldn't you be a cock-sucker by proxy?

These are serious questions.

2011年12月10日 Wait what? A tattoo

Try explaining this
to your mother in law.
By the way, imagine having
 this above your cock or vag.

I think Tattoos are pretty cool, but I wouldn't get one. 

Why? Because for some reason I feel like I'm violating my body, yet not because I'll grow old and it might look like shit later on. Without shaving I look like shit anyhow. Rather it is because I believe in something that goes against getting a tattoo. No it's not because I'm insecure. And not because I don't believe I can subscribe to anything on a permanent basis (i.e. I'll change my mind later or regret it), as I already believe in certain things on a permanent basis. So for me, I don't want a tattoo since it will interfere with my spiritual and religious beliefs and obligations. However, if I had a significant other and they had one: I'd think that's kind of hot. Not having one is fine too.

With that said, I got the following offer for a tattoo. It's in regards to my iPod which I listed on craigslist. Even though I had already planned to sell it to Fozzjnen, - Foz saw my ad and knows I have to pay for certain things, as I need to bus everywhere now that the car is dead. It doesn't help that I live out the boonies, but whatever.

So I decided to reply to the following email, even though I already was sale-pending-funds with Fozzjnen.

I will trade you a tattoo or a tattoo gift certificate for it [iPod].

See my work at: [omitted] 

Give me, [Dave], a call at [omitted] to make an appointment. This is offer is with [DAVE] only! I work seven days a week noon to close. No one under age 18 please... yes, bring your [...] State ID or US Passport. 

I work in an [...] State Licensed, Clean, 100% Real Tattoo Shop, [address omitted,...] and I use hospital sterile (one use) disposable needles and hospital sterile tubes.

Wait what? "Real Tattoo Shop" compared to a "Fake Tattoo Shop"?

Seems kind of redundant to say, "I'm licensed and real." Wait, so if you're not license, you're.... Imaginary?

Here's what I said:

Hi [Dave],
I must say I am tempted by your offer, but I cannot have a tattoo. :|
Sincerely,
Eric

I did not expect the reply he gave [sic]:

I promise you wont go to hell for getting a tattoo.... they just tell people that. 

Its not true. Really.

His work isn't that bad either,
but skulls and shit seem like they're for 18
year old kids in the Navy or USMC

Wait, what?

First, how the hell does he know I won't go to hell? 

And second, who is they? Is that like "Who is we you sucka?" [Link] 

I couldn't understand what this dude thought he was saying to me. I'm sure he thought I was fresh fruit, unblemished by anything other than fundamentalist Catholics. Well, considering 3 of 5 people in my immediate family have tattoos, I think I'm doing well with not having one. My dad and I being the only two left not to have any voluntary tattoos.

So I said this, and did not get a reply:

Well, actually it's against Halacha so I can't. I'll have a hard time explaining it to my Rabbi when I do mikveh next (ritual bathing for purity purposes).

Eric

More stuff by the guy

I didn't have the heart to tell him that I would have traded my iPod for him getting circumcised by a mohel.

I also have yet to explain to most of my friends that even though I'm already circumcised, I still have to have blood drawn from my cock to fully convert to Judaism. The only thing left to circumcise is the heart. Without doing that, callouses could build and I'd lose emotional and spiritual sensitivity. Ha-ha!

He did have a lot of impressive stuff, but I'd have to re-upload it to protect his identity.

2011年12月9日 Wondering

I enjoy wondering, but these days I find wondering (over the past 2 years or longer) to be difficult when I cannot bounce ideas off another person, who doesn't pull punches yet doesn't give condescending remarks out of malice. Is this too much to demand? I doubt it, but it is rare.

So far shul helps.
So do a lot of other things, but at the end of the day I'm still left with more questions than answers, and I do not think I'll be satisfied with just speculation alone.

It would be like having sex with someone, and you ask, "How was it?" And you get a question back with a puzzled face that says, "That's irrelevant." Or worse, "There isn't a definitive answer to that, [b]ut still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General."

I did however end up emailing my rabbis about questions I've been having about life and mitzvot, but so far I have yet to get an answer to my emails other than, "[The] explanation is to long for an email." I guess he hasn't read some of my posts here.

So nothing of great merit, but whatever I do have regarding such might not be brought up here anyhow!

2011年12月8日 Praying for the unborn spirits

I had a chance to email someone I who is neither my friend or adversary. 

I got a lengthy email back.

I was happy about that, or rather engaged.

It was a challenge, not of rivalry, but more of that from this colleague, who is either entertaining my thoughts due to sheer boredom or is vying more information about my own my thought processes.

Challenge is a good word. What does this mean? When I was a kid, a challenging stage in a video game was something I didn't know if I had the personal capacity to overcome. I suppose varying degrees of life are the same. Do we compromise the challenge for comfort and security? I believe we do. I believe society is conditioning us, to accept that we ARE our khakis, our cars, and our jobs. However, I disagree.

Over time I will have more information to figure out the specifics. It is clear emotionally this colleague and I are not on the same page, and yet this person seems to be making an effort to sit at an imaginary and intellectual table. Talking to me about issues of concern or interest, without disregard or disrespect towards my interpretations in life. Ideally I'm doing the same.

2011年12月7日 "Okay no problem"

At work the other day I expressed that there are two things I hate don't like, which are on par with the sucking efficiency of a great white shark applying out-of-water-fellatio to elderly stage-4 cancer patients.

1. Dismissing someone expressing gratitude.
2. Dismissing apologies that include explanations, without giving an explanation.

This tihs confuses me, and frankly I don't understand why anyone would bitch, about things, like apologizing or expressing gratitude. It's only natural, to explain, why we feel the way, we do. Commas, help us express, how we feel. It's good, for now. Until, it grows, annoying. Like an unsatisfied bo-nahs.

That wasn't, 

a typo.

Don't worry, this is a date that will live in infamy! 

2011年12月6日 Giving your soul a place to rest

Today I explained to a co-worker that I love driving at night. Unfortunately the car I'm borrowing from Fozzjnen broke down last week, so I'm immobile at present. That's fine, that's not really why I need money, but mainly for living/school expenses and Jew-stuff. Having "living" and "Jew-stuff" in same sentence is kind of redundant, as Jew-stuff is part of living and IS living. Judaism is life, and everything else is just a part of life.

Anyhow, I'm telling my co-worker about driving and what it means to me. 

I'll try to summarize.

Sometimes at night, when everyone else is asleep, we find ourselves unable to sleep. Sure we can wait around, whack-off, fuck someone, do coke, get drunk and pass out, but sometimes that doesn't always work, unless you're doing it every night and when it gets to that point you are just trying to escape. So instead of that, we have to get out for a drive, at night. 

At night, when the roads are clear and everyone else is asleep, we have an opportunity to let our soul go on a little journey. Some journeys are longer than others. Some are actually only an hour long, whereas others might be several days long (i.e. someone driving from one state to another for sake of their soul).

Before driving at night,
this is pretty much all I did when
my soul couldn't sleep.

What does that mean? Sake of your soul? It means you're doing what your heart and soul tell you to do. And this commentary ("heart and soul") can be found in Deuteronomy's pages, however I won't expound on those issues.

So on those nights, in my case, I'd drive. I'd find a place to let my soul rest, even for just a moment. Through the dark hills, the long dark nights, those nights where God doesn't talk to you or you can't hear him. Or rather, your spirit is dried up: this is when it's time to check-in to the hotel for your soul. You won't find this at home. You won't find it at work. You'll find it in the people you know and see, or know but are absent. The people care about, or love. You find that hotel for your soul, on that journey, through dark hills, and dark roads. And in nothingness of the listless night. 

But if there was nothingness inside you'd be asleep, sound as baby. You wouldn't have dreams that wake you up in a sweat. You wouldn't have nightmares about other times and people. About love, about death, about life. You wouldn't have to worry about those issues if there was nothing. But there is something, and that's why your soul can't sleep that night.

That nothingness is out there, outside of your body, outside of your soul. And it's haunting your soul. So you go out, and you rest your soul. You rest it the best way you can, by moving yourself around the world, letting the world move around you and the Sun, as you drive through dark hills and empty roads. You can do it alone or you can do with someone else with a dry soul. I've done before. Alone and with another. You find just enough time to give your soul a pit stop, refuel and keep going. No racing soul is without a pit crew of friends and loved ones, without these, you can't win your race. No, that's wrong, you can't even participate. How can anyone drive when their soul is already dried up and cold?

And it's not the race, it's YOUR race. I can't race your soul's race, you can't race mine. But you could contribute, and in most cases when someone you love or care about, a friend or family member, when they do contribute you'll feel it. You might not say it, or know how, but you do.

So when you go to bed that night. And not much has changed, you might have to do again: you might have to give your soul another temporary journey into the night. And you should do this, so that your soul sleeps, even briefly. 

You wake up, or rather your soul wakes you up, and when this happens, you'll know you're ready to go about your new day.

***

When I finished my spiel to my co-worker I realized I was doing the right thing choosing God and choosing life. I need life. And I need a place for my soul, where that place is on Earth I don't know, but as long as it keeps my heart warm towards those I care about, I realize I am doing the right thing. And the price is worth it. 

Believing in God, Chuck Norris, Odin, or Waldo, I don't care what you believe. But there is a soul, and you've got it. 

Do you have the long dark nights, where God stops talking?

When you don't hear the sounds of nature?

When you don't hear or feel with your soul anymore? 

What would you do, when you realize your soul doesn't have a place to rest?

No seriously, those aren't rhetorical questions!

2011年12月5日 What it takes

It takes a lot of money to get shit done sometimes. 

And sometimes we have to give shit up too, especially when we make promises, big ones. When getting things done, important things in regards to our goals, we sometimes have to give up things we normally would never want to give up. In this case my gun, ammo, and a bunch of other shit (PS3, etc). 

What am I going to do with this money? Pay for medical bills and survive on it.

With that said, it's time to figure out some important shit.

I feel like part of this song,

Under other circumstances would I have done anything?

For anyone? Maybe a few people, maybe a few.

Eventually I'll have nothing in my way.

2011年12月1日 Hiatus

Things in life right now are truly repugnant and depressing.
Life has become a possibly mendable, but broken-arrow.

I will try to come back to this when I can. If I can't, then things are really bad.