2012年3月2日 What if the clocks would hesitate?

(I hade to do a quick edit because I realized I actually used the wrong words in the wrong context. Of course as I'm writing it my mind was like, "Well at least you know what you mean..." What's the point in knowing what I mean if I want to have other's understand!?)

I haven't woken up in a full blown sweat in such a long time. I didn't have any dreams or whatever I had I forgot. It was such a short, yet refreshing rest. I think I got 5 hours.

All-nighters have always been something I've enjoyed, but as time progresses and I reflect and extract certain reflections integrating them into my life, made me realize that all-nighters alone are just that: All night alone. Being up at home in the darkness, except for the green lava lamp, wouldn't have made things better or worse outside of increasing knee pain. I had initially thought about staying up all night drinking beer and energy drinks. I didn't do either of those.

I woke up around 3:50, since my alarm clock goes off at "4:00AM" ten minutes fast. I think It's a Kind Of Magic was playing, then it was the Tron: Legacy OST on my second alarm clock. I usually wake up before the clock goes off, and right as it goes off when I have less sleep.

In the shower and sat there, since it has two integrated shower seats. I sat there as if I had just been raped the previous evening. I didn't feel raped, but I still sat there long enough to feel the water prepare itself to get cold. I almost feel like I'm going to avoid buying a house if I'm single, just for an apartment with an industrial grade water heater. Coming out of the shower after what felt like an hour in 10 minutes, I heard Appels + Oranjes over Winamp.

What if, what is isn't true?

What are you going to do?

Digging for the feel of something new

What if, what is isn't you?

What are you going to do? 

It came from your thoughts, your dreams and visions.

Ripped up from your weeks and indecisions

What if the sun refused to shine?

What if the clouds refused to rain?

What if the world refused to turn?

What if the clocks would hesitate?

I could answer most of those question this morning.

Smile.

Smile.

I woudn't want them to cry.

I know who I am through sharing who I am, sometimes I'm wrong, sometimes I'm right, sometimes I am.

I would buy a jacket.

I would move from Oregon.

Wink at ghosts

I would learn to knit a sweater.

When I got out of the shower, I put on my boxers, t-shirt, and dress shirt, usually in that order. Then socks, followed by my slacks. I took a moment to prepare my mind. I grabbed my MP3 player and set it to record. In the car I talked to myself on my way to work talking about parts my life and experiences. Later I'll probably write them down, but not here, never here. 

I wondered if Rick - not Ingram - was right when he said to someone that certain actions a person does they may or will regret. Albeit not regretting those actions at this moment, or the next day, but soon and for the rest of that person's life. He could be right, and he could wrong. I don't think he'd ever happy and I don't think he was happy. I'm happy I'm not him.