Probably one of the more terrifying things a man can experience is jealously.
This jealously is never healthy for people who are fanatics like myself. My tendencies evolve jealously into problematic and destructive things. For some jealousy is healthy for a relationship, but for me it isn't.
Case number 03189:
I walk into a bar with a friend - he's gay, so what? - and I run into a woman that I have been attracted to over the last year or longer. She's a warm person, if that warmth happened to be in a sauna located in the arctic circle. A complicated woman with many layers. We met online, talked on the phone and went on a few dates, but I don't think she likes younger men (I'm 28 and she's 37). Nothing happened, but we've kept in contact sporadically.
Anyhow, she spots me and waves me over to hug her, which is something I've never done before with her.
"Nice to see you again, but I'm here to get drunk. You look a little busy, so nice seeing you!"
I said. And that was that.
There were Wild Turkey shots waiting for me in the lounge area, and not the bar/restaurant area where she was sitting in a red-dress. No I wasn't going to lollygag around waiting to get booze and losing my buzz in the process, even briefly.
No. Ladies and Gentlemen, and Invited Transgender Species* I was there to drink and hang out. So for me, mission accomplished. Okay, and maybe get laid at some point too, but that's a different story.
So a week passes by and I catch the red-dress woman online, where she brought up my friend. She said that when she hugged me, my guy friend looked jealous as hell.
And her message was expounded with,
"I could feel it, he was not very happy about my existence there."
I agreed, but at that time when she saw him in the bar I was preoccupied with getting drunk (though I didn't). I was even startled to see her there, since I had strong feelings for her, yet I knew of an answer that could quickly change these feelings.
The Wild Turkey drenched jealously away, at least for me though I didn't seem to have any. If anything seeing her smile at me was like a reminder of wearing a Scarlet Letter, except mine would have been an "S" for spurned.
You can smell Wild Turkey once the smokey flavors get within a few inches of your nose. Soon after pressing the shot glass to your lips, you begin to start closing your eyes. The glass bottom tipped up towards the ceiling, and then dropping the solution down into your mouth. Like most medicine it tastes like shit, at first; but when the taste-buds adjust, the feeling is different. A few times in my life I had adjusted my feelings to the taste, and while that was a long time ago I at least wrote significantly more.
 |
| Not a quitter |
Like the jealously of my gay-friend, the feeling did adjust, once he finished his shot sipping it slowly.
I paid, feeling cocky I left 30 percent tip. We left through the lounge entrance and walked around downtown towards the water. Once there we found more places to drink. He invited me to a gay bar. I don't care: they usually have cheaper drinks.
There I drowned out my feelings, be them jealous or not.
I was jealous enough to liquor out of my life, until I woke up the next day.
*To quote Lieutenant Commander Data
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